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I know I haven't been that fucking good this year. I know that my wife is really, really nice, and I can be kind of a dick sometimes (I read it on a message board). I know I could have gotten more work done and I've been a little, uh, princessy, figuring out what I want to direct next. I know that I go far too long between cleanings of the litter box, even though that's one of my only, like, three chores in the house compared to Jenna's forty. I know that I should have noticed that she got a guy to put Christmas lights on the outside of our house when I came home the other day. But I was thinking about other stuff, you know? And, yes, sometimes I just bring out the worst in people. Like that guy this year who got so mad at me in the Vons parking lot that he kicked in the side of my car. Or that other guy who called me a cunt outside Matsuhisa. But, to be honest, God/Santa Claus/Jesus, you have to admit, that YOU'RE the one who made me kind of an asshole. So all that fucked-up shit I do is kind of because of the way YOU made me. I'm just saying. I mean, I DO the stuff, sure. But you sort of laid the tracks.
That said, I promise to be so, so, so much fucking better next year. Especially if I find some of the following shit in my stocking come Christmas morning:
1. 25 million dollars.
2. A subscription to Mental Floss.
3. A giant robot that I can drive around inside his head, and four more giant robots for each of my brothers, so we can have fun fights out on a football field somewhere for the enjoyment of others. Make sure the interior of the heads is made of Nerf or something Nerf-like so when we fall over it won't be too painful. I don't want to get racked by some other-wordly gear shift, or have the imprint of a bio-defibrilator on the side of my face for weeks.
4. Invisibility.
5. Because I'm a giving guy, I'd like to remove Farrah Fawcett's anal cancer. And if there's some giant karmic machinery we're all a part of and it HAS to go somewhere, then please put it into Perry King. I'm just say, ONLY IF YOU HAVE TO.
6. Dude, my allergies to my cat are kind of killing me, especially since he sleeps next to me every night. Can you remove these fucking things? Thanks.
7. Speaking of my cat, he would like to have mechanical arm and leg extensions so he can drive places, and robotic opposable thumbs to open cans and stuff. Also, if a stranger comes into the house and moves too quickly, instead of running under a bed, my cat can just grab tightly onto the stranger's neck and tear his thorax out. Does this have to count for one of MY 25 things since it's actually my cat who would be the true beneficiary? It does? Well, okay, then, make this the last gift I get. I'd rather Perry King get colon cancer (but, you know, ONLY if he has to).
8. I'd like to guest star on 24 for six episodes as someone even more hardcore and cooler than Jack Bauer. I'm sort of a mercenary type, with, like, a scar down the side of my face. At first I'm seemingly evil, but, little by little, it's revealed that I'm working to take down the same people as Jack Bauer! My character and Jack Bauer work together and destroy their evil plans!! When we're done, Jack Bauer feels like it's his duty to take me in because I've got like eighty-something warrants against me, but when he goes to arrest me, I'm gone. My character is able to disappear into the shadows like Batman, and everyone's like "Wha!" But you know Jack Bauer's secretly happy, because we're cut from the same fucking cloth.
9. Vintage FREAKIE cereal giveaway figurines.
10. The most comfortable blanky in the world.
11. World peace.
12. Oh, no! George W. Bush has just shit himself on stage in front of everyone. This is a tragedy! He looks like an idiot in front of the whole world! Ha! Oh, come on, I shouldn't laugh. That's not right. Ha ha hee hee! Stop it! Ha! I can't help myself! (By the way, mega-thanks for giving me Dick Cheney shooting that guy in the face last year! That was MY MOST FAVORITE GIFT!)
13. An enormous jug of cashews.
14. No more fucking email messages from people trying to contact my wife.
15. I saw an ad for that new squirtable Sweet Tarts. Jenna thinks it sounds disgusting, but to me it sounds like the greatest fucking thing ever! Thanks for inventing it, God/Santa Claus/Jesus! I mean, I know some poor confectionary-candy-company-employee who will never get a cut of the profits himself actually "invented" it but YOU'RE the one who really invented it by putting the idea in his head, right? He doesn't really deserve a cut! Fuck that guy and his griping. He and his four kids and his alimony-obsessed pill-popping ex-wife can go suck it! I'll take twelve boxes.
16. Can I go back in time and not write a blog about Andrew Bryniarski (aka Leatherface) being drunk at the Fangoria Chainsaw Awards? I heard he wants to kick my ass, and that guy's like eight fucking feet tall and bigger than a truck. I mean, seriously, THAT'S the guy who wants to kick my ass? What am I, a fucking character in a 1980's high school sex comedy?!
17. Those new Apple Hi-Fi speakers for my iPod.
18. I've always wanted a couple of pet goats, but I also need a place to put them. I don't know if my backyard is quite big enough, and, unless they're enclosed, Von Spears will probably irritate the hell out of them. He might even try to kill them. People think Von Spears is cute and all and he IS around people at least. But, man, he has a ruthless streak around animals. I still remember that baby possum. That shit was fucked up! So, all I'm saying is, if I don't have a larger backyard and a fence, don't even bother with the goats. Oh and I also need a guy to take care of them when I leave town.
19. All right, I'm at a small dinner party with just me, supermodel Josie Maran, Mischa Barton, that hot chick from JAG, and Olivia Newton-John circa 1978. We just happen to be hanging around having a nice dinner party. Maybe we're all on some charitable committee or something, I don't know. Then some terrorists break in and, at gunpoint, over a period of five days, they force us all to have an orgy. Fuck! I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE IF I DON'T I'M GOING TO DIE. It doesn't count as cheating and it has no deleterious effects on my marriage. Thanks, God/Santa Claus/Jesus (if you can work this one out I've got absolutely no problems with that whole virgin birth thing).
20. A perfect night of sleep every night of 2007, so I don't wake up at 4 a.m. and write dumb shit like "25 Fucking Things I Want for Christmas."
21. I'm going back home to St. Louis for Christmas, and ALL hats look stupid on me. I need something to keep my ears warm that at least doesn't look totally ridiculous.
22. Did I saw that squeezable Sweet Tart stuff? I did? Okay, then: X-ray vision.
23. You know why I think my shit doesn't stink? Because you just gave me non-stinking shit for Christmas.
24. A Wiii.
25. Am I pushing it by having Dick Cheney shoot ANOTHER guy in the face this year? I'm not? That's a gift for YOU too?!! Wow! Fan-fucking-tastic, God/Santa Claus/Jesus! You're a prince!
Cool. I'll be out of town Christmas day, so wait until after that to deliver any big packages! Especially the goats! That would suck to come home to a crate full of two dead goats on my doorstep! Ha! What a fucked-up way to start the New Year!!
Thanks again,
James
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8 We arrive in London, England. I'm tired as hell because I didn't sleep at all on the ten hour flight over. Instead, Jenna and I watched the first four hours of the fifth season of 24, which just came out on DVD. That guy who plays President Logan is fucking hilarious! He's seriously my new favorite character on TV. What a pussy.
Anyway, we get to the Soho hotel in -- you'll never guess -- Soho. It's about two P.M. in the afternoon in London, but it's ten P.M. in Cali. I haven't slept since the day before. Jenna and I promise each other we won't go to sleep until night, so as to get on a proper schedule. I tell her we must be strong. Meanwhile, Jenna goes to the bathroom.
I lie down on the bed. I won't go to sleep, I tell myself. I'll just lie here for second. With my eyes closed.
I wake up three hours later. I think that Jenna is going to be pissed until I see she's asleep in the bed beside me.
We need to figure out what to do to stay awake until night. We try to watch our DVD, but our hotel room only has a region 2 DVD player. Fuck! I'm pissed. First God kills all those poor people in Darfur and now no Jack Bauer for six days.
Jenna and I eat at a restaurant called Little Italy in Soho. The food is good, but the Goddamn smoke kills us both. I forgot about England and you smokers. Jenna and I crack each other up by doing demeaning imitations of the disgusting woman next to us, who takes a bite of food, followed by a puff off her cigarette. Oh, also, the restaurant is very crowded and they have our table right next to the waiter's station, and the waiters keep bending down to grab stuff, sticking their asses right into Jenna's face. Jenna claims she can smell butt, but I think she's exaggerating. How could she smell butt through this thick screen of smoke?
Afterwards, Jenna and I do what anyone needs to do when travelling to the majestic city of London: we track down a Border's bookstore so we can buy Season five of 24 on Region 2 DVD.
That night we watch Jack Bauer kill folks amidst absolutely ludicrous but somehow marvelous plot holes. However, the British version of 24 has a couple differences:
1) They don't process their digital video through Filmlook (or whatever 24 uses), so, instead of having a mock-35 mm appearance, it has the video look of a soap opera. This is difficult to get used to, and gives the cuts and pans a choppy quality I don't like.
2) For some fucking reason, the UK version has a different score. The music by Sean Callery in the US version is fantastic. But here the music sounds like some circa-1982 Tangerine Dream wannabe's who borrowed the Human League's drum machine. It's fucking atrocious.
Fuck you, British version of 24, Jenna and I say, as we fall peacefully to sleep a little after midnight. I'm very happy as I fall asleep so early -- I didn't think I'd be able to do it!
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9
I wake up three hours later. It's a little after 3 a.m. and I can't fall back to sleep. My body reacted as if I was taking a long afternoon nap. I don't want to waste time lying fruitlessly in bed, so I get up and go into the other room and write. I'm inspired, and I'm actually work out some plot troubles I've been having in the last act of my new script. At about 7, I try to go back to sleep, but no go.
Jenna and I wake up to get ready for the wedding. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. That's the reason we went to London. Some friends of ours, Lucy Davis and Owain Yeoman, are getting married. You may know Lucy from her role in the original OFFICE, or Owain from his fantastic work on THE NINE. But we just known them as a couple of very fine, very funny folks.
They're actually getting married in the basement tombs of St. Paul's cathedral. That's right: they get to walk over Florence Nightingale's decaying bones on the way to the altar. Normal people aren't allowed to get married in St. Paul's, but Lucy's dad has an M.B.E., which, as I understand it, is like being a knight jr. (I think a person needs to do huger piles of cocaine, like Mick Jagger or Elton John, to be an actual knight.)
Lucy's dad is supposedly a big deal over here. His name is Jasper Carrott.
"Who's Jasper Carrott?" I ask a British person.
"Oh, he's a big deal over here," the British person says. "He's like Bill Cosby."
"Like Bill Cosby how? He drugs and rapes women?"
"No, no. He's a legendary television comedian."
I had this same conversation about forty-seven times (and, yes, I made the same rape joke forty seven times, as I find rape jokes work well internationally). I was despondent when I discovered Jasper didn't spell his last name like an actual carrot.
Anyway, the wedding is fucking amazing. We ride a double decker bus directly from our hotel to the doors of the church.
The paparazzi was a bit of a pain going in and out (the British press often is -- I remember riding on a plane with Sarah Michelle Gellar to the SCOOBY DOO 2 premiere in England -- the photographers were actually waiting for us as soon as we got off the plane, which means they must have bought tickets just to get through security). However, today, no one recognized Jenna, as I don't think our OFFICE is so big over there.
The reception, too, is fun as hell. As far as I'm concerned, England's two greatest exports of the past few years are the original OFFICE and SHAUN OF THE DEAD. Because Lucy was in both, that's who was at our table. I got along especially well with Edgar Wright, the director of SHAUN. We had an hour long talk about everything from Sergio Corbucci to Frank Henenlotter to the old British TV show THE GOODIES, which I loved as a kid.
That night, we were on a high from the fun of the day. My adrenalin had kept me awake, but by the time we got back to the hotel I was dead tired. I think we were only able to get through one episode of 24 before falling asleep a little after midnight.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10
We woke up past one in the afternoon. We went downstairs and joined the wedding party for lunch. We chatted with Laurence and Bianca, a nice couple we met the day before, and tried to get Owain to give up some gossip on his THE NINE castmates. He won't tell us much, but I find out Tim Daly is 56 years old, which isn't really gossip, but it freaks me the fuck out as he's the youngest looking 56 year old I've ever seen.
Elizabeth Banks and Max Handelman come by to meet us. Elizabeth has been in town shooting FRED CLAUSE, where she plays a tall, sexy elf.
Even though I'm afraid of heights, Elizabeth and my over-eager wife somehow rope me into going on the London Eye -- it's that enormous ferris wheel monstrosity.
As we ascend in the huge pods, I sit down and make my three friends form a human wall so that I can't see out the windows. Eventually, though, I get used to it, and it's not so bad.
We have a great dinner with Elizabeth and Max, and head back to the hotel to watch 24 until almost four o clock in the morning. There are a lot of surprises in this particular season (but I ask you not to share them on this blog -- in part because we're not done with it yet, and also for the sake of others who don't yet have it.)
MONDAY, DECEMBER 11
Jenna and I both wake up before 6 in the morning and decide to just go ahead and start our day. Since we've only done things I like to do on this vacation -- like socialize and eat and watch 24 -- I owe Jenna a day of vacation slavery, which means going to a fucking castle.
I have traveled a lot in my life. If I never see another fucking castle, palace, or cathedral as long as I live I'll be happy. After a while they're all the same. But today Jenna has talked me into tavelling with her to Windsor Castle.
We take the train, which is rather interesting. Jenna was scared, because she didn't know if we were going to end up on the right one.
Windsor Castle is fucking rainy and boring. There are some statues and gold stuff and shit.
In the town of Windsor, we stopped in this gift shop with a Paddington Bear display. The cashier wondered why we were taking this fucking picture.
The ride home from Windsor was a fucking nightmare.
We go back to the hotel, get a couple hours sleep, and then it's off to see Tim Curry in SPAMALOT. At the beginning of the show, a Diet Coke bottle in my pocket explodes, which means I have to sit in Coke spooge throughout the show. Even with this, it was a great night. Despite my horror pedigree, I love musical theater -- and SPAMALOT was the best show Jenna and I have seen in a long time.
Guess what we do afterwards? Yes, we have intercourse. But that isn't what I was talking about. I was talking about we watched 24. Hooray!
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12
Today, we go to the Victoria and Albert Museum. We took the subway, which had kickass new wave seats.
Usually, I like museums about as much as castles, but this particular one is pretty fucking hot.
Call me a girlie-man, but I'm really into the fashion display. It's cool to see the weird shit people have worn throughout the years.
In particular, I'm turned on by this man-dress. Yes, this thing is for dudes.
I'm excited by the lives my male ancestors lived, where their scrotes could swing freely, instead of being bound up in the tyranny of what the matriarchy likes to call "pants." I give Jenna the cold shoulder for a good fifteen minutes for oppressing me.
We also see this plaster cast of David.
When Jenna and I went to Italy a few years ago, the David was closed. Even this plaster cast is stunning, which makes us a little sad we missed it.
That night we had a terrific dinner at a place called INCOGNITO. It was perhaps the best dover sole I ever had. Afterwards, we met Edgar Wright for drinks and coffee, and to hear more about his new movie, HOT FUZZ, which will be out early '07, and promises to be to LETHAL WEAPON movies what SHAUN was to zombie flicks. Jenna and I had a disagreement about what to do next. I wanted to see CASINO ROYALE.
"Because James Bond is FROM HERE!" I told Jenna.
She wasn't buying it. She said we could see CASINO ROYALE back home, at the Arclight, the best movie theater in the world.
Instead we went to see the hip play in town, FROST/NIXON, written by Peter Morgan, who recently wrote the movie THE QUEEN, which I loved. The play starred Frank Langella (fucking Dracula!) and the guy who played Tony Blair in THE QUEEN.
I wish I could tell you how the play was, but the jet lag finally caught up with me and I spent nearly the whole time in our fourteenth-row-center seats sound the fuck asleep. I woke up near the end to see Langella rocking the house as Tricky Dick, but that's about it.
We went back to the hotel to watch 24 and pack, as we had to leave early in the morning.
Bye, England!
----
Okay. It's just a few days 'til Christmas, which means it's time to buy new LOLLILOVE products from the James Gunn store NOW. Who doesn't want a "YOU MATTER" T-shirt, with dirty bum art done by Jenna Fischer?
Or a mug featuring Felix, the pride of the Hispanic community, in art done by me and featuring his catch-phrase...
Best of all, all profits from the store go to benefit Rover Rescue, to help place dogs in loving homes. Check out this, along with SLiTHER shit (new "I'm Bill Pardy" T-shirts!), at the store now at http://www.cafepress.com/jgas/
As most of you know, Peter Boyle passed away yesterday. I was lucky enough to work with him on SCOOBY-DOO 2, where he played Old Man Wickles... not his most memorable role, perhaps, but working with him was certainly one of the highlights of my career.
YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN was one of my favorite movies as a kid, and I loved Peter in everything else he did from TAXI DRIVER to EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND. I was frightened to talk to him when we first met -- at the script reading -- but he was an enormously open and friendly man. On the days he filmed I would blow off my co-producing and writing chores and just hang out with him, grilling him about his career and his experiences in the entertainment industry. We even talked about Lloyd Kaufman, who worked with him on JOE.
Peter LOVED acting. He didn't spout any of the grumpy "it was better in the old days" speeches common to veteran industry professionals. Although it probably seemed to some like his role in SD2 was just a paycheck, he had a blast with it. He knew he was making a movie for little kids, and he cherished every moment. He'd try out his scenes for me before we shot. I would laugh hysterically, and he'd look at me, pleased but somehow surprised that I enjoyed it so much. There was a strange innocence about Peter, an eternal surprise -- it was as if he didn't expect the positive reaction of the audience after enjoying the performance itself as much as he did.
During the shooting of SD2, Peter had a problem with the heart medication he was on -- the pharmacist had made his dosage far more powerful than it was supposed to be. He was put into ICU, and, for a couple of days, we thought we were going to lose our Old Man Wickles. This was about three-quarters of the way through principal photography. I was given the morbid task of figuring out how to make the script and plot work if Peter died. Luckily, he didn't. Just a few days out of the hospital, Peter returned to set and finished shooting his scenes. "The Show Must Go On" wasn't just a platitude -- it was something he lived and breathed. At the end of the film, you can see Peter dancing between two girls. A few days earlier he was on the brink of death. He can't move too well, and he probably wasn't enjoying himself too much, but he trudged through it like we all must sometimes. There was something beautiful about that moment, and it was the first thing I thought of when I heard he died.
Like me, Peter was a crazy, creative Irish Catholic, who had given up the sauce. He was lucky to have a marvelous wife, Loraine, who understood him, at least as well as any woman can understand us creative, distracted types. Jenna and I befriended them as a couple. We saw in them our own best possible future. They were married for almost thirty years, a rarity in Hollywood. They were compassionate, spiritual, and kind -- and had become experts in navigating the lunacy that affects those who work in the creative fields -- both the lunacy that comes from inside ourselves and outside.
When Jenna got cast in THE OFFICE pilot, Peter and Loraine took us out to dinner and gave us advice on how to traverse this new landscape. Peter was just about to start shooting his last season of EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND. What amazed me the most was just how grateful he was for this late-in-life success and how, after many years of shooting the show, he still couldn't wait to get back to it again. He said there was nothing better than performing every week in front of a live audience. I only hope I can have a quarter of the passion for my work at the age of 70 that Peter did. Hell, I'd be happy to have a quarter of his passion NOW.
I don't know if there's a heaven. But if there is, I'm sure Peter is up there giving God that same look he gave me every time I laughed at one of his scenes, surprised -- "What, wasn't living a great life enough in itself?" Peter, you were truly the best of the best in the entertainment industry, and I promise you, your influence will live on, through Jenna and me, and the thousands of other lives you touched. We loved you. Thanks.
Oh, man, was the Armando show fun last night! The iO folks are amazingly and hilariously talented. I was truly overwhelmed by how great they were. Tim Meadows from Saturday Night Live (and the Office) showed up as a surprise player. I told the Dead Baby Bird story, the Time I Tried to Take a Shrinking Potion story, the Condom on My Buddy's Nose story, and more. Here are some pics
All these pics are by Jason Axinn, who runs this very web site.
Thanks to all the folks who came out to the show. It was great meeting all of you! Even you, Maddy!
More new stuff in the JG Store, like --
And
Wanna buy 'em? Go here -- www.cafepress.com/jgas
However, there's been some confusion -- I do NOT run the store. That would be the splendiforous Tricia. I simply pimp them out because they're making money for Rover Rescue, Wesley's favorite charity, and because I love people wearing my cursing face on their chest.
Also, for the record, I am not James Gunn's Red Hat. My hat is my hat. (And he receives a little help from a very funny guy who can out himself below if he wants). His blogs lately have been especially humorous; you can check them out here -- http://www.myspace.com/jgredhat
That's it. I'm off to Jolly Old. I'll talk to you guys in a week.
Go fuck yourselves,
James
THE ARMANDO SHOW
If you're in or around Los Angeles, come to the iO tonight to see me tell fucked-up stories about my life and then have their wonderful troupe mock my life with their performances.
9:00 p.m.
6366 Hollywood Blvd.
Hollywood, CA
So I'll toss out a few -
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
in a hopeful attempt to ask a question you rarely get asked, as opposed to the 'i' in SLiTHER and the red cap ordeal, i was wondering if you have ever been envious of another writer's work? i didn't know what word to use in this question...envious, jealous, etc... so, have you seen a movie or a TV show where you somewhat wish you came up with the idea/script? and, if so, which film/show? -- dirtyseven
Every motherfucking day!
Actually, I'm only mildly envious, as I've had to train the envy out of me. As a young person I would often be consumed by jealousy of other people's success. But I hated this trait in myself so I worked hard to let it go. Today, I allow myself to feel the awe I feel watching an episode of THE WIRE, or a Tarantino film, or an Alan Moore comic. It's much more pleasant to enjoy and admire and be inspired by something than it is to be jealous of it.
I've more often been directly jealous by a competing project with a similar idea. For instance, MYSTERY MEN was being filmed at the same time as THE SPECIALS. I hated those guys simply because we were going up against them. I also knew Danny Boyle was doing 28 DAYS LATER right as we were getting going on DAWN OF THE DEAD, and was extremely competitive. However, now, after seeing both those films, I still hate MM, because I think it's awful, but 28 DAYS LATER was my favorite film of the year.
A couple years ago, I had just finished developing a pitch called REWIND about a guy who had a cassette recorder he could use to fast forward and rewind his life, changing any perceived mistakes he had made. I was just about to take it out to studios when I heard another pair of writers had just sold essentially the same idea, only they called it CLICK. That fucking killed me - and still does, to some extent, as I really would have liked to have made that movie my way.
Will you ever have any involvement with THE OFFICE as in appearing and or possibly writing? - Dave
Have I answered this question before? I get asked it a lot. The answer is, as far as writing goes, I doubt it. These TV guys know their characters backwards and forwards, and I'm not sure how comfortable I would be writing an episode. If I had a great plot idea for an episode of THE OFFICE, I'd pitch it to Greg Daniels or B.J. Novak, and have them write it, as they'd do a much better job. As far as doing an acting cameo, who knows. We've talked about it casually. Maybe, if the situation was perfect - and perfect situations are all too rare.
The follow q's all come from Mistress Macabre, and I'll try to answer then in succinct fashion -
I am wondering how you find the inspiration to write and keep it consistent.
I don't worry about inspiration. That's not under my control. I find I get most inspired to write after a couple of hours of writing without inspiration.
How much time do you set aside to write (ie do you have a set amount of words to write per day like Clive Barker or do you write in pages)
That varies. Some days I'll write over twelve hours, some days less than two. A lot of it depends on what other meetings I have, etc. If I'm writing through a script for the first time, I usually try to write a certain number of pages every day - either five or ten, depending on the type of script. When I'm rewriting, I usually set a task for myself - rewriting a specific scene, or fixing a problematic through-line in the script - and try to finish that.
Right now, writing is my full time job. So I'll write for nine hours or so, taking reasonable breaks throughout the day.
Would you say it's easier to just write screenplays or novels and which is an easier sell.
Well, it's easier to write screenplays because they're a lot shorter. A good novel is probably somewhat easier to sell than a good screenplay, because with a screenplay there are a lot more factors involved (What's the budget? Can we get a director and cast? Who will see this film?) If done properly, a novel can see a few thousand copies and make a profit. But a movie needs to appeal to millions.
The flipside is this: you get paid a great deal more as a screenwriter. It took me five years to write THE TOY COLLECTOR and a few months to write DAWN OF THE DEAD, but I got paid ten times as much to write DAWN. And that's before royalties.
How much research should one do before starting the writing.
I think it depends on the writer. I do almost none and work it out as I'm writing, making phone calls here and there, taking short trips. I know a few writers who have gotten lost in research and it overwhelms their writing. One very good screenwriting professor at USC advises not to do research because it gets in the way of the story.
How long should one take to really map out the story and characters.
Again, this depends. I pretty much made my whole career on the script for THE SPECIALS, which I sat down and wrote straight through in a few days. I didn't map out anything. I find this is a bit harder with a thriller type film, that is more dependent on plot twists and turns than it is on the comedy and the character interactions. But, still, a lot of times I consider my first draft a sort of outline. In fact, a lot of times I'll outline AFTER I've completed my first draft.
And that's it!
I may not blog for a while as Jenna and I are heading to London, England for a friends' wedding in a few days.
HAPPY FEET
Brittany's into furries.
This movie is fucking great. BABE is one of my favorite films, and this movie has the same writer/director, the amazing George Miller (who also did MAD MAX, ROAD WARRIOR, etc.) Anyway, after my disappointment over the last couple of Pixar films, it's great to see a CGI film done with heart and style. The strangest thing about it? The dance scene in the zoo is perhaps my favorite scene of the year. And Mork is actually funny in it. However, if you have an unusual fear of 4,000 dancing CGI penguins (I mean you, Rooker), don't see this movie.
PRETTY POISON
Both Tuesday and me enticingly run our tongues
over our teeth before we kill a dude. It's so WEIRD!
In high school I read this book called CULT MOVIES, by Danny Peary. I really dug it, and set about seeing every film profiled in it. However, the movie I wanted to see most of all was called PRETTY POISON, a black-comedy-thriller starring Anthony Perkins and Tuesday Weld as a couple of insane lovers. I wanted to see this because my 14-year-old self had daily wood for Tuesday Weld, and because I'm a big fan of black comedies in general, when done well.
However, PRETTY POISON was almost impossible to find on video at the time, and never played at the Tivoli theater, the revival art house in St. Louis (where I first saw DAWN OF THE DEAD). For years, I've sought after this film more than any other, so I was very excited to hear it has just been released on DVD for the first time by 20th Century Fox. I bought it a few days ago, and was actually scared to watch it. After wanting to see it for so long, it couldn't possibly live up to my expectations, could it?
But it surpassed them. It's simply one of the best oddball features from the 1960's, well directed, paced, and acted, and never, ever predictable. I strongly suggest everyone check it out.
Y, THE LAST MAN and RUNAWAYS
She's stupid because she's foreign.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why haven't I read these things from the beginning? However, the great thing about not reading a comic book is being able to buy the entire collections and read them all in a few sittings - which is what I've been doing with both of these comics written by Brian K. Vaughan.
I'm a huge comic book fan. However, as most comics out there suck, there's also quite a few things out there I DON'T read. A couple of years ago Joss Whedon told me I had to read RUNAWAYS as it was his favorite comic on the stands. I thought he was fucking crazy, because I THOUGHT I had read an issue of RUNAWAYS that was awful. It took me over a year to realize that I had gotten my titles confused - what I had read was some other comic about superhero kids in school. So on a recent trip to COMICSMASH, my neighborhood comic book store, I picked up all the collections of RUNAWAYS (thank you, SCOOBY-DOO royalties, for allowing me to be foolhardy with my spending money). I fucking loved it, and read them all in a few days.
Now I'm about halfway through Brian's other great series, Y, THE LAST MAN - the story of a plague that wipes out every male on earth except for one man and his male monkey. Even though I find it eminently frustrating that this dude doesn't get laid nearly as often as he should, considering, the whole thing is just fantastic. Tonight I move on to book 5, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
While I'm at it, here are some other comic series I'm enjoying right now -
CRIMINAL - Ed Brubaker is one of those writers who just keeps getting better and better. I think I discovered him first back on his Batman stuff. His SLEEPER is one of my favorite series ever, and CRIMINAL, a crime noir comic, is right up there with that.
DAREDEVIL - Also Brubaker. DAREDEVIL is the superhero title which has retained the highest level of quality from writer to writer for years, and the present series is no exception.
SQUADRON SUPREME - I haven't been crazy about Stracynski's run on SPIDER-MAN (i.e. I'm not crazy about Spidey revealing his identity to the public, nor the whole new mystical-magical-hocus-pocus element of his spider powers, and I'm especially not crazy about the revelation that Gwen Stacy FUCKED Norman Osbourne - dude, are you purposely trying to kill my 30 year long crush on a comic character?!) But I do think he's doing great work with these guys, who were originally created twenty years ago as evil alternates for the DC comics heroes.
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN - I'm a big Brian Michael Bendis fan. In particular, I've loved POWERS from the beginning, I adored ALIAS, and maybe I'm in the minority that I've loved all the shit he's done with THE AVENGERS. However, I've gone back and forth on ULTIMATE SPIDEY - perhaps I'm just a stickler for classic Spidey and no one can make me happy. But the way Bendis has been handling his version of the Clone Wars has been incredible and, I think, the high point of the series thus far.
PEEP SHOW - Joe Matt has his first new issue (#14) out in a couple years. The whole comic simply chronicles Joe's life of lying in bed and repeatedly masturbating to porn. Why is it so interesting to read a comic about someone whose life is far less interesting than my own? I have no idea. Pathetic as it is, it's still amazingly captivating.
Also, this month, I read the first issues of Garth Ennis's MIDNIGHTER and Danny Bilson's RED MENACE, which are both off to very, very promising starts.
MENTAL FLOSS PRESENTS: FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
'Walt Disney is a cunt,' says the lemming. 'I don't normally like
to use that word, but, in this case, it's totally deserved. He is really,
truly, a fucking cunt, and all my people think so. But, even if
they didn't think so, I'D still think so. Because, despite what some
cocksucker may have told you, I'm not all about the herd mentality.'
I love books of useless trivia and mindless lists, so I quite enjoy this compendium from the folks at Mental Floss magazine. In particular, I enjoyed a list of popular beliefs that aren't true, such as -
Lemmings jump to their deaths in droves
Nope. Not real. I've always believed this because I saw a documentary about it as a kid - I'm sure many of us have. But that documentary was a Disney film called White Wilderness which was about as real as the first Faces of Death. The lemmings were actually herded off that cliff by the filmmakers! This kinda makes Walt Disney kinda like Hitler, but for Lemmings. Anyway, Lemmings don't jump to their death every year. Which means my dream of having a pet lemming which doesn't commit suicide off the edge of my desk is not yet over.
Rice at weddings kills birds
This all started when Ann Landers wrote about it in her column, but it's just completely untrue. As Mental Floss wisely points out, rice farmers around the world wish it was true, but it's just not. However, the other way I've heard about killing birds - by shooting them in the head with a .22 - is completely true.
Charles Manson auditioned for the Monkees
Oh, this has always been one of my favorite stories. In fact, I once wrote out a synopsis about an alternate world where Charles Manson actually became one of the Monkees (replacing Dolenz), and the bloody-funky-hijinkistic aftermath that occurred. But, again, Mental Floss killed my buzz by turning me on to the truth - Manson was in prison during the Monkees tryouts. I'm guessing that it IS true that David Crosby auditioned, however.
Anyway, this book is a blast. Check it out.
THE CONVICT
THE CONVICT, the most recent episode of THE OFFICE, was one of my favorites. Michael Scott's new character "Prison Mike" taught me a lot about what it's like to be in prison, and definitely scared me straight (I have no desire to eat gruel sandwiches). I join you all in a collective sigh of relief that Jim is back in Scranton and the whole team is together again. By the way, congrats to the whole gang - this episode got THE OFFICE'S highest ratings of the season. The show is by far NBC's biggest comedy right now. Go, fuckers!
30 ROCK
I thought the pilot of this show was so-so - a common occurrence with pilots, where creators are finding their legs - but every episode since has been freaking hilarious. I hope NBC wises up and puts this in the same hour as THE OFFICE next season, so the network's two funniest shows are back-to-back.
THE ARMANDO SHOW
Well, I'm just putting this here to remind all of you I'll be telling stories about my life there this Monday, December 4, and the wonderful folks of the iO will be improvising sketches based on them. When I did this for Upright Citizen's brigade, folks were treated to stories of my twisticle, how I got dragged down the street by a Mustang, and how Scientologists got me and Jenna to appear in a how-to-be-a-Scientologist video (or something). Who knows what will come out of me this time? I can only promise my utmost honesty, and that I will embarrass my wife. It's here:
9:00 p.m.
6366 Hollywood Blvd.
Hollywood, CA
More info: www.iowest.com
(And remember to come up and introduce yourself. I don't bite, unless you ask.)
NEW CRAP IN THE JGA STORE!
The James Gunn Appreciation Store, from which the proceeds go to Rover Rescue, has a bunch of cool new SLiTHER T-shirts, cups, and so forth up now. I just got my first package of toddler T-shirts in the mail yesterday, and they are freaking hilarious. I can't wait to have my nephews and nieces running around me at Christmas with little pictures of me on themselves. Check out the new crap at -
AND, FINALLY -
Pretty soon I'm going to be taking off the red hat (as will Jenna). We have other photos we want to show you. I'm giving you advance warning so you're not too shocked.
Go fuck yourselves -- yeah, I mean YOU -- in fact, ESPECIALLY you,
James
Is open now, thanks to the hard work and talent of Tricia (Tee 2), Sir Ablazin' Devil Head (he was just knighted), Linda (Linner), and whomever else I'm leaving out. All profits from the store will go to charity, which the JGAS has kindly asked me to choose. Since we're talking virtually dozens of dollars, I think it's best if I chose a smaller charity to whom the money will actually mean something. So I think Rover Rescue (www.roverrescue.com), the organization that helped us find Dr. Wesley Von Spears, is the way to go.
You can VISIT the store by clicking on the following banner:
THE RED FUCKIN' HATTERS
SPEAKING OF TIME -
My inbox has become increasingly more crowded. I once tried to answer everyone back, but the traffic here at www.jamesgunn.com and www.myspace.com/slithermovie has upped considerably, and I am unable to keep up (I still answer many of them however, somewhat randomly). If you have a question, I do try and save it to answer at a future point in YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED (which I'll get to here in a moment)
However, there are two general reminders:
1) I have no idea how to Photoshop a red hat on your head. There are people like Maddy and Ileana who are professionals, so I suggest you go to the JGAS forums (http://groups.myspace.com/tjgas) and find someone to help you. As an addendum to this, I don't know if I should be flattered or horrified by the DOZENS of emails I've gotten from people who have illegally downloaded Photoshop just so they can put a red fuckin' hat on their heads. I'm florrified.
2) I CANNOT READ your treatments, outlines, ideas for movies etc. And I really can't watch your movies on YouTube either. The moment I see it's something like this, I have to delete it. This has nothing to do with disinterest. I just legally can't do it.
THANK YOU, ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE -
For putting the SLiTHER DVD in the top 25 DVDs of the year. Yes, Peter Travers is a quote whore. But now he's MY quote whore. That Sharper Image gift certificate I sent him sure paid off.
What are we waiting for? Let's get to -
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Quick question, do you consider 28 DAYS LATER a zombie flick? - Lawrence
As far as horror films go, zombies generally fall into the Haitian Voodoo medicated-or-enchanted slave variety, or the more popular reanimated corpse variety. The "zombies" in 28 DAYS LATER (a film which I adore, by the way) are neither. However, they walk and act like bloodthirsty zombies in nearly every other aspect. So I'm comfortable calling it a zombie flick. I know this is a topic horror folks online love to argue about. But, like most online arguments, it's a subjective, semantic deal which REALLY DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER.
What project are you working on next? Horror or Comedy? - Cecil B. Demented
I'm getting asked this a lot. But I don't like to talk about projects too much when I'm in the middle of them, not even with Jenna, my brother Brian, or my manager Peter (who are usually the three first people to read a new script). That said, I'm writing a horror-action-thriller which isn't comedic at all. After that, I'll probably write a comedy, inspired by how much fun we had doing LOLLILOVE. I'm also working on a SPECIAL SECRET project which isn't a movie at all, but I can't talk about it just yet...
I was hoping you could give me some musical advice: I know you're a big fan of Old 97's and Willie Wisely; my birthday is coming up in about a month and I was planning on asking for some of their CDs. Is there any particular album of theirs that you think is the best? - Crystal
As far as Willie goes, you can't go wrong with his newest album, PARADOR. I like all of his stuff, but that's my favorite. The Old 97's have albums that lean more toward alt-country (Too Far to Care) or more towards power pop (Fight Songs). I think Too Far to Care, Wreck Your Life, Satellite Rides, Fight Songs, and Drag It Up are all great albums. If you can only get one, you might get, Hit by a Train: The Best of the Old 97's. However, I don't think this is the best compilation album by any stretch of the imagination.
i am very interested to know what's with the red hat AND why do you swear so much?? - Flaunt it on the catwalk, Uhum
The red hat, simply, is God made manifest. Either that, or this -
We shot SLiTHER in Vancouver in February and March of '05 - it was the coldest, wettest Vancouver had been in years, and I was ill-equipped for it. One day was particularly rainy, the day we shot the exterior scenes of Wheelsy Main Street in the opening of the film (where the Mayor says, "Get the fuck out of the way, cocksucker!") Patricia Hargreaves, the costume designer, gave me what she had on hand to keep my head protected - the red fuckin' hat. I truly didn't want to wear it, because I just don't wear hats well, and this one was particularly garish. But I needed it. And the truth was, the hat was amazing at keeping the wet off my head, and was quite warm. It was also so bright on a day when there were so many extras around, it made it easy for the crew to find me. So my vanity took a backseat to utility.
So I'm wearing my red hat, perfectly content, when I catch my assistant Dan filming me for behind-the-scenes DVD footage. I said to Dan something like, "I don't want any behind-the-scenes footage on the day I'm wearing my red fuckin' hat." This, of course, ended up on the DVD extras, and seems to be, along with Nathan's mantra "I'm Bill Pardy," the thing most people have picked up on.
That's where the red hat originated, but you'll have to ask Linda and Tricia why they decided to turn it into a Dadaist-like movement. I'm merely a pawn in their mad grab for cult-like power.
And I don't really think I swear all that much. I cuss in print where I cuss in life. I try to keep as few false barriers between what I write here and how I actually live.
I'm 26. Everyday what I want to do changes except for one constant - I need to be creating something. From my below-average photoshopping to the nonsense humor I post on my blog to being a jazz piano player, I can't seem to make up my mind. I have ambition ADD. When you said you thought long and hard about your rock career - well, I've done that (maybe I need to do it some more) - and I still can't decide. The question is, could you apply some age ranges and stages you went through to get to the point where you said "writing and directing, Eureka!"?
I'll keep this question anonymous, because it's a personal and courageous question, but I also think it's fairly common and helpful to answer it publicly. Firstly, I'm not going to give you age ranges, because I think all people move at different speeds and it's not helpful to be comparing ourselves to others. As a filmmaker, I got started a lot earlier than some and a lot later than others. One of the great things about many artistic pursuits is that age really doesn't play a factor (writing, comedy, painting). That you're asking that question at all shows me that you're LOOKING OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF for your energy. You're comparing yourself to others, and trying to mark yourself by some outside source. Artistically speaking, that's a death wish. What others do or have done has nothing to do with who you are.
I relate though. I was once in the "can't decide" phase. I felt like I was good at a lot of things, but wasn't sure which one was the "right one." I think I wasted a lot of time thinking like this. "Right" and "wrong" are boring. I'm not speaking ethically or morally, but as a way to live your life and choose your pursuits. Thinking one path is right and one is wrong stifles expression.
I think what might help you is to stop thinking in the general and think in the specific. As opposed to thinking, "What kind of artist am I?", think "What kind of art project do I feel like doing?" Pick something that lights you up, whether it be music, writing, or whatever. But here's the most important part: FINISH IT. My biggest career shift didn't happen when I realized I had a talent for writing and directing - it happened when I realized I needed to FINISH WHAT I STARTED, no matter what it was (incidentally, this was during the writing of ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT FILMMAKING I LEARNED FROM THE TOXIC AVENGER, a book I desperately wanted to back out of halfway through). I needed to let go of the outcome and the quality and how I thought it would benefit or not benefit me and just focus on getting it done the best I could. I needed to get my mind out of figuring out what was "right" or "wrong" and into the realm of doing and completing. Once one project is completely finished, then start on the next, and finish that as well. I don't think it really matters if it's in a completely different field. Eventually, something will grab hold of you, and you'll find your path. But it takes a fair amount of faith and a larger amount of arduous work to get there.
Here's a lollilove question. Why did Jenna go by "Jenna Gunn"? I have several theories: (1) you filmed it not too long after your wedding and before she was really in much and maybe at that point she hadn't decided to stick with Fischer; (2) she took Gunn as her legal name but kept it as her stage name but since she was playing the herself the person not the actor she went with J.G.; (3) because it was a movie for the masses of idiots in the world and you wanted to make sure everyone understood you were a married couple; or (4) just for the hell of it. - Calvin
None of the above. It's simply that the Jenna character in the movie is a fairly conservative gal, and she would definitely take her husband's name. As a side benefit, it shows that Jenna and James, although similar to us in some ways, are not really us.
Go fuck a duck.
Amen.
Be Good.
James
(Thanks to Tee for the picture...)
UPCOMING MOTHERFUCKING EVENTS
First -
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 14
MANHATTAN MONOLOGUE SLAM
If you're in Los Angeles this Tuesday, come to the Manhattan Monologue Slam where Jenna and I will both be judges in a monologue competition, along with Lacy Chabert (from PARTY OF MOTHERFUCKING FIVE, bitch!), Ileana Douglas, and Debra Wilson (from MadTV). Here's more info:
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 14
DOORS OPEN 8:00PM, SHOW STARTS 8:30PM sharp
IVAR, 6356 HOLLYWOOD BLVD. (enter on Ivar)
FREE ADMISSION * _ OFF BUDWEISER ALL NIGHT
Oh yeah, and don't be afraid to come up and introduce yourself. Maybe Lacy Chabert will freak if you come up and take physical liberties with her, but I'm cool with it. I'm always bummed when you guys write me messages after these events saying you were there and were too shy/scared/lame/sexually excited to come up and introduce yourself. That means you, Nathan Fillion.
What's second? This is -
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15
LOVELINE
This Wednesday, November 15, Jenna and I are going to be the guest hosts on LoveLine with Dr. Drew. Out here it's on K-ROQ from 10 to Midnight, but you can check out your local listings at www.lovelineshow.com/ for where and when it will be playing in your area. Jenna and I will be giving all of yous sexual advice, which means get ready to be fucked-in-the-head. Because, and I'm just telling you because you're my closest friends, but Jenna really digs Hot Carls. She'll be recommending a good Hot Carl to anyone who calls in to cure their penile dysfunction, sexual gender confusion, etc.
And this part is important: Call in with questions about LolliLove and SLiTHER. Otherwise it's just going to be Office, Office, Office all night long. The Office, of course, is marvelous. But I'm counting on you wonderful fucks to provide the variety.
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 22
THE SPECIALS SCREENING
The American Cinematheque will be screening THE SPECIALS. There was a screw-up earlier in terms of the date it was showing, but it is on the 22nd. Unfortunately, this is the day before Thanksgiving and I won't be around. Actually, I'm not sure WHO is going to be there on the day before Thanksgiving. But you might have a nice empty theater to yourself.
7:30 pm 1328 Montana Avenue at 14th Street in Santa Monica
For more info, check out:
http://www.americancinematheque.com/Aero/aeromastercalendar.htm
MONDAY, DECEMBER 4
THE ARMANDO SHOW (iO Theater)
I had so much fun with the Upright Citizen's Brigade a couple weeks ago, I'm going to do the same thing again with IO and the Armando Show. Working off of suggestions from the audience, I'll tell true stories about my life (perhaps as perfectly disgusting as the Twisticle story from UCB), and then the wonderful performers at IO will perform improv around them.
Here's where iO is:
6366 Hollywood Blvd.
Hollywood, CA - map
More info: www.iowest.com
Enough self advertising. I know what you guys want, and it's lists. I know you're jonesing. It's been a while since I've posted any lists, so here are 5 LISTS OF 5:
THE 5 WOMEN I PLEASURED MYSELF TO MOST AS A TEENAGER
If these women were standing anywhere near me from the ages of 13 to 19, they would have drowned.
1. Olivia Newton-John
2. Lisa Bonet
3. Lea Thompson
4. Markie Post
5. Kelly Preston
Honorable mentions - Jeana Tomasino and the chicks from the ZZ Top Videos, and Mary Louise Weller as Mandy Pepperidge in ANIMAL HOUSE. Although they had much less screen time than the above-mentioned vixens, their percentage of pleasure time was enormous.
DR. WESLEY VON SPEARS 5 FAVORITE TOYS
Every morning after breakfast Wesley and I have playtime. And every morning I let him pick his own toy. These are the ones he chooses the most:
1. Saliva Bear
Saliva Bear gets his name because Wesley loves to lick him and does so often and for long periods of time throughout the day. Therefore, he is often sopping wet with Wesley's spit. Wesley loves to bring Saliva Bear to bed, and set his soppy goodness on the pillow right beside Jenna's face. Surprise!
2. Puppy
Puppy, like many of Von Spears's toys, has a personality; she is a maniacally gleeful masochist. She picks on Wesley and demeans his masculinity until he beats her, which she digs like nobody's business. She has a voice like R.C. Collins from the Phil Hendrie Show.
3. Blue Ball with Eyes of Unknown Origin
I don't know where in the fuck this thing came from. I think the kids next door accidentally threw it over our fence. Whatever the case, Wesley found it, brought it inside, and now we play with it all the time. We both hope Blue Ball with Eyes doesn't have AIDS. If so, we're screwed. (I see now, actually looking at it for the first time, it's some sort of duck, or bird. But we only know it as Blueballwitheyes, as in, "Hey, boy, go get Blueballwithyes!")
4. Kitty
Kitty's personality is essentially the polar opposite of Puppy's. While Wesley chews and tugs on her she desperately cries in vain for God to help her. She claims the pain is unbearable. Neither God nor I are listening, and Wesley loves her agonized howls. Strangely, her falsetto voice is almost exactly the same as Puppy's.
5. Wesley Jr.
Wesley Jr. is Wesley's illegitimate son who he likes to child-abuse and torture. Unlike Puppy or Kitty, Wesley Jr. has almost no reaction. He is, unfortunately, a little slow.
MY 5 FAVORITE COMIC BOOKS GROWING UP
1. Howard the Duck
2. Amazing Spider-Man
3. Conan the Barbarian
4. The Spirit (the reprints, of course)
5. Uncanny X-Men
6. Tomb of Dracula
5 ALBUMS THAT ROCK THAT YOU MAYBE NEVER HEARD
1. The Ark - In Lust We Trust
2. Monster - Rocker's Delight
3. Buzzbomb - Vandalias
4. Tsar - Tsar
5. You Am I - Hourly, Daily
6. The Swingers - Counting the Beat
5 TRIPS TO THE HOSPITAL
1. Twisted testicle (aka "Twisticle"), c. 1982
2. Beaten over the head with fists by two bodybuilding breakdancers whom I was making fun of, 1985
3. Bug flew in my ear and was stuck in there, buzzing around, driving me fucking crazy, 1987
4. Head-banging downward as guitarist brought guitar upwards and tuning pegs slammed into brow (5 stitches, but I played for another hour with blood running down my face! Awesomocity!), 1988
5. Dragged down the street by car and dropped on brick road, smashed face open, 1990
Honorable Mention: Numerous eye bubbles.
And, finally...
YOUR QUESTION ANSWERED
Regarding fake MySpace pages:
And how do people know that This is a blog of the real The-Famous-Name-Holder? It's always a 50% chance. "True" or "false?" - Irina
Good question. However, I think it's usually easy to tell if a MySpace page is real or fake if you keep a couple of things in mind.
First of all, fake pages rarely have blogs (Rooker's page is an uncommon real celebrity page that has no blogs - then again, since Rooker writes like Bam Bam from The Flintstones, this is a blessing). And when the fake pages do have blogs, they usually read like they're written by a retarded five year old (or Rooker, true but again, he's the exception that blah blah blah).
Also, MySpace blogs actually written by people in the industry - like mine, Jenna's, Zach Braff's, Eli Roth's, etc -are often quoted by other news sources (as EW online did with my TV character list), or the personality-in-question talks about their MySpace page in interviews (like Jenna did on Ellen). A quick search of any of these folks' names + MySpace will show that there's a common knowledge of their pages.
And there's often industry by association to rely on. Because Jenna's page is widely known to be real, and Jenna has me, Creed, BJ, Angela, Kevin, and so forth in her Top Friends, you can assume that ours are real as well.
I'm interested what other ways people use to tell if the MySpace page of a well-known person is real or fake, which I'm sure you'll share with us below.
But, in short, with just a few minutes of investigation you can usually find out.
AND THAT'S THE END OF THIS BLOG!
Pardy harder.
Befriend Captain Tightpants here: www.myspace.com/nathanfillion
This is the real Nathan Fillion: Browncoats and Fillionaires rejoice!
So for all of you who have been writing me about this guy or others like him, wondering if he's the real Bill Pardy, the answer is a resounding NO. This guy's been lurking around MySpace forever pretending to be Nathan, even though I and many others have told him to fuck off. At one point he even had pictures of Nathan's ex-girlfriend up there. Why don't you send him a little message now and let you know what you think of him? Let's see what happens.
Jenna and I have had to deal with the fake Jennas in the past, and it's a real pain.
While I'm at it, here are some of -
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Ok, so, when the baby is in its crib and Grant Grant looks down at it. Why is it holding a tomato? Was there any significance to that? - William
Originally in the script, Brenda told Grant that she gave her son tomatoes to play with because they were cheaper than toys and he made them "more tenderer" before cooking with them. Although I removed the dialogue before we ever shot, I still liked the baby playing with a tomato. It's creepy and funny and mysterious and works smoothly with Jack MacCready's biblical speech playing in voiceover during the scene.
When you cut scenes do you end up leaving out a lot of your original script? - Tara
Absolutely. However, it's important when you write a screenplay to be filmed that you over-explain things a bit. You never know when an audience is going to be confused by a plot point, so it helps to film dialogue and scenes that are just a little too obvious. Then, in editing, you whittle these scenes down to only what the audience needs and no more. Oftentimes, an actor's reactions in a scene can say more than a couple paragraphs of dialogue. As a filmmaker, you can hope for that, but expecting it is a mistake. Especially if you're working with a crappy actor, like, say, Perry King.
I just wanted to know, why the lower case "i" in SLiTHER? Does it have any significance or do I just spend too much time looking to meaning to things? - Melissa
No, it means nothing. I just thought it looked good graphically and stuck it on the cover of my first draft. It stuck with the crew, who used it all the time for parking passes, etc, on the set. In the theatrical posters put out by Universal, it's actually a capital "I". I had been struggling for a lot of other things with the poster, so the lowercase "i" wasn't something worth fighting for. In the film itself, however, the title treatment has the small "i".
I have a silly question. Which kid was Jenna and which one was Emily? The little one was really quite scary! But in the extras she seemed really sweet.
Also, I was wondering if they decided to not let the little girl see how she looked in makeup. I've heard of some films deciding to put disgusting effects make up on kids without letting them see it as it might disturb or upset them. Her make up wasn't extreme but it's still disturbing. Did they do this or was she okay knowing what she looked like? Or did she just sneak a peak in the car mirror?
I wondered if it's true that you named those kids as a gift for Jenna? Is Emily her real sister's name? - Stevie
Before they got git.
I am jealous of your red hat, Fucko, give it to me now or else.
Jenna is the older sister (Amber is the actress's real name), and Emily is the younger sister (Matreya). Yes, they are named after my wife and her sister, Emily. Emily is a grade school teacher in St. Louis.
And, yes, I let the little girls see themselves in makeup. I think Amber was 11 and Matreya was 8. Neither one of them had any problems with it. Amber loved being a zombie - it was her idea to climb on the car windshield like she did.
What was a little more difficult was getting them to do looping after the film was finished. (Looping is where the actors come in and record lines that can't be understood, or add new lines, etc, during post-production). Both of them were a little freaked-out by their final scenes. Matreya in particular scared herself. What was goofy on set was pretty frightening to them when completed with effects, etc.
My hope for this blog is to encourage the few who really belong here to take that risk. But, just as importantly, I'd like to persuade the rest of you to enjoy a richer life in some field besides film. It's like convincing a buddy not to marry his alcoholic childhood sweetheart who's been fucking his friends for years. Because, honestly, we're a bunch of sick fucks out here in Hollywood, and very few of us, not even the rich and successful ones, are happy.
So before I give any advice on how to be a screenwriter, director, or actor, I think it's important that you have a serious conversation with yourself about whether you REALLY want to be in the film industry.
I request that you ask yourself the following questions:
1) Do you love to write or act or direct?
Some people want to be screenwriters because they like the idea of being screenwriters, but they really don't write. Screenwriters WRITE. A lot. Most every day. Same thing with actors or directors. Directors make short films on micro-budgets, actors act in local theater. People who love to write, direct, or act create opportunities for themselves when none exist.
Everyone enjoys imagining themselves as movie stars up on the screen, or as directors leading a crew of a couple hundred people. But this is a hell of a lot different than actually enjoying the craft of acting or directing.
You have to be willing to do these jobs even if you're never especially rich or famous. In the end, the people who stay in this industry, and enjoy it, are the people who appreciate the process as opposed to just the results.
Los Angeles is littered with fifty-year old busboys with sad, soulless eyes who wanted the results of fame and riches but didn't actually enjoy what it took to get there.
2) Do you think you have talent?
As I said above, I often encourage people to follow their dreams, and take risks. However, DESIRE IS NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE A CAREER.
For instance, I played in rock bands for years and was a mildly talented musician. And if I wanted to be a composer or a pop songwriter, perhaps that's a field I could have investigated. But I didn't. I wanted to be a famous rock singer. But my singing voice simply wasn't good enough or original enough to validate a career in that field. And although it's great to tell people, "You can do anything you want to do," I was limited by my actual God-given physical abilities. Prince Randian, the armless-legless wonder, was never going to be a professional hockey player no matter how much he wanted to be, or how much he believed in himself. And, frankly, it's cruel to tell him he can do whatever he wants to do, because he can't. And neither can we.
I'm not saying we don't make who we are. I believe we can create our own lives and we are to a great degree self-determined. But part of creating our own lives is being aware of our limitations, physically, spiritually, and mentally. By knowing who we are and the limits of our capabilities, we become truly free.
I wanted to be Eddie Veder, and I wasn't. I wasn't crazy. I wasn't one of these deluded gender-benders who goes on American Idol and truly thinks he/she is the greatest vocal talent since Pavarotti (we'll get to those people in a moment). But, when I was brutally honest with myself, and asked myself if singing was what I was best at in the world, I knew the answer was no. Not by a long shot. I had a lot of other gifts in life I was just ignoring because they weren't what I "wanted."
In many ways, I was going through what I needed to go through as a young man, in becoming conscious of my limitations. So my foray into rock and roll was hardly useless. (In fact, I still use my musical training to find rhythm in everything I do from dialogue to editing not to mention the easier time I have communicating with film composers).
I'll also add that I believe, in general, what we "want" has very little to do with what makes us happy. When we want something, that means it's something we don't have: it's necessarily something outside of ourselves. When choosing a career, I think it's more important to determine what we have and how we can utilize it more fully.
3) Does the world think you have talent?
This one may take some time, because beginners almost always suck. So if you think you have talent, you should work on your craft a bit. See where you get. See if you can find hints of talent within yourself. It shouldn't be too long before other people around you start to notice your potential as well. I believe if people are truly following what they are meant to be doing, the world does rise to meet us in some ways. We're given at least the crumbs we need to keep going.
I started writing seriously not too long after I quit playing music, and I immediately received a lot of positive reinforcement: from fellow students, teachers, the community, etc. I got pieces published in small journals and magazines, and was accepted into the Columbia University writing program. While still in school, I was working for Troma and making a living as a filmmaker. I knew I wasn't completely deluding myself about my talents because I had some objective, external signs that what I did was of some use to the world. Considering I also loved writing and making movies, this made me think it might be a pretty good place to build a career.
This isn't to say your self-worth should depend on the assessment of others. But when we're talking about creating a practical life in the film industry, I think it's important to be honest with ourselves about where our gifts work best.
The journey of my wife, Jenna Fischer, was a bit more hazardous. She moved out to L.A. when she was twenty-two, and it was nearly ten years later when she scored the role of Pam on THE OFFICE. She had to be rejected countless times in auditions, and looked at with pity at parties every time she said she was an aspiring actress. Jenna needed a healthy dose of self-applause to keep her going through the rough patches. She had a "never-give-up" attitude which helped her greatly.
But Jenna also had external signs from time to time letting her know she wasn't completely crazy: She was here in L.A. less than a year when she scored a crappy movie with Dan Haggerty. A year after that she was cast in a small role in my movie, THE SPECIALS (before we were together, folks). A year later, she got a good agent who saw her in an avant-garde play (which she did purely out of a love for acting). Then she got a one-line role in SPIN CITY. She started scoring guest shots and pilots, and, eventually, she was an overnight success when she was cast on THE OFFICE. For Jenna, it was an uphill battle; BUT IT WAS UPHILL.
There is a big difference, though, between self-confidence and self-delusion. There are a lot of people out here committing years of their lives to careers for which they aren't at all suited. They work off of blind confidence without a corresponding objectivity. I think of these folks as career stalkers; they treat their chosen professions as stalkers do their objects of romance. Despite all evidence to the contrary, they hold onto hope that the unloving object they love will return their affections. I have nothing against these people, as I was kinda sorta one myself.
I talked about career stalkers once to a woman who was trying for years to be an actress and getting nowhere. She said, "Yeah, but Joseph Campbell said to follow your bliss!" To which I responded that her life didn't seem very blissful at all. To follow one's bliss, one must experience the bliss in the here and now as well as what one may think might happen in the future.
How do you know if you're one of these people? Well, I think if you're rigorously honest with yourself, and you ask yourself if you are, you'll know the answer. If you're okay with the answer being "yes", then you'll find out.
My advice here, though, is LISTEN TO THE WORLD. Be open. Where do your talents lie? What do people appreciate about you? Where are you truly called to be? I wanted to be a rock star more than anything in the world, but, again, desire doesn't make a career. It was when I finally became open to something other than my narrow view of what was acceptable in my life, that I found what I loved to do even more than music writing and filmmaking. I didn't necessarily love the idea of being a writer or a director. But I love to write and direct and the experiences they bring into my life.
Maybe you want to be a screenwriter, but in your first job on a film set you discover you have an amazing knack for costume design, and you love doing it.
"But I don't want to give up on my dreams," you may say.
Fuck your dreams, I'd say. Do what you love and what loves you. Sometimes "giving up" isn't really giving up it's simply surrendering to who you truly are.
And I'm honestly not meaning to dash anyone's dreams here. What I really want is for people whose dreams aren't working to discover new dreams that do.
And, finally, I think there are many self-rewarding reasons to write, act, or direct, even if you suck or no one appreciates what you do. Nearly everyone needs a creative outlet. Just don't expect to earn a living from it.
4) Are you willing to persevere?
All right. So you know you love to write, or act, or direct or, heck, maybe you've been substituting "accounting" into these questions all along (which makes you fucking weird, but, you know, that's cool). You believe you have talent, and you think the rest of the world thinks you do as well.
IT'S STILL NOT FUCKING EASY. You still have to persevere. If you really are talking about accounting, it may not be above and beyond what other careers expect of you, but if we're still talking about screenwriting, acting, or directing here, they simply aren't normal occupations.
When embarking on a career in the film industry, you will face seemingly insurmountable obstacles. The successful folks are the ones who surmount them anyway.
Perseverance requires: a) Time, b) ignoring negative influences, and c) a lot of damn hard work.
Let me explain.
a) Time
Get ready to take a good ten years or more waiting tables and practicing your craft as a second full time job before you're able to make a living. There are of course many exceptions to this, but the surest way not to be an exception is to expect to be one.
Doctors go through eight years of medical school before they can become an M.D. Why would you expect less from a writer, director, or actor? There are a lot more doctors and a lot less people who want to be them than want to be in the entertainment industry. "Acting isn't brain surgery" is true. IT'S HARDER. All right, maybe that's an over-statement. But it IS more competitive and can require an equal amount of craft and knowledge. A studio doesn't want to hire an actor without experience as the lead in their new film just like you don't want to hire a pre-med student to perform your laser eye surgery.
b) Ignoring negative influences.
Perhaps because film industry occupations are so coveted, and because they are truly risky endeavors, there are incredible societal and emotional blocks to pursuing them.
The negative influences start with ourselves. Being a sensitive artist type, my own fears can sometimes seem overwhelming whether it be the fear of the blank page, taking a chance, or of what people might think of me. I can go through periods of enormous disappointment and doubt. This is part and parcel of being an artist. Today, I treat these feelings like leprosy-ridden bums with whom I ride on the bus to work every morning. They yell at me and tell me I suck. Occasionally they get to me and I stupidly get sucked into fighting back. But usually I realize their ranting has very little to do with me and very much to do with them being crazy, leprotic bums. They get on and off the bus a lot, and I try to be grateful when they're not there, and ignore them when they are.
And, if our own insecurities aren't enough, we have to deal with everyone else's as well. As I said above, I was lucky that the world met me with positive feedback from the get-go. But a lot of people I met in writing classes still told me I was sick, vulgar, or just shitty. I once wrote a story about a fat, cursing woman who started giving birth to animals and birds, and was met by a virtual rebellion of women in my class who "had had it up to here with the misogynistic ramblings" of guys like me (No, I still don't get it). I had numerous people tell me I was one of a million guys with big dreams who could never make money as an artist.
And when you become successful, this shit gets WORSE. With the spotlight comes negative feedback on a much wider, more public scale. Your life and work are fodder for the general population to judge. What was once said behind your back is now a headline in Newsweek. But, as creators, we have to open ourselves up to the world, which means taking the dark along with the light.
3) A lot of damn hard work.
If you aren't willing to work your fingers to the bone, forget it. Even if you're talented, there are other talented people out there who are willing to put in the effort. I have many gifted friends who don't make their living as artists simply because they aren't willing to put in the tremendous amount of work necessary. The entertainment industry is one of the hardest industries to break into in the world. More people want to be actors than any other profession. And becoming screenwriters and directors is even more difficult in some ways, because there are many fewer slots to fill. So it takes self-starting and hard work to make a living at it.
And, again, with success it gets worse, because the career demands it of you. As an actress, Jenna works twelve-hour days five days a week. Her nights are often taken up by talk shows, dinners, or award shows (all of which get old real, real quick). Her weekends get crowded quickly with photo-shoots and interviews. And, in the off-season, she makes movies.
And me? When I write, I write all day, every day, while trying to balance in similar necessary social interactions of meetings, dinners, shows, interviews, Rooker's thrice-daily calls, and whatnot.
And when I direct, it's by far the most time-consuming of all. Even on a smaller film, it's a good five months of planning and shooting and meeting, with almost no time for anything else. Days are often fifteen to eighteen hours long and you don't spend hours hanging out in your trailer like you might as an actor or a writer that's fifteen to eighteen hours of WORK. Maybe you'll get a free Saturday night or a Sunday afternoon. But, basically, you have no life other than directing while in pre-production and production. Sound like fun?
Then maybe the film industry is for you after all, you sick fuck.
Despite all the hard work and bullshit in the entertainment industry, I love what I do, and I love the people in it. If you really ARE serious about getting into the industry, and the above doesn't scare you off, then, by all means, take that leap. Maybe you don't agree with what I said above, or you find yourself drawn a different way. That's cool too. I believe everyone's path is different. The deepest truths are the ones we find ourselves, and the above are merely mine.
I say that with love.
I remember once being in Al's big house in Lafayette Square, doing some extra credit (helping him move boxes from downstairs to up), and petting one of his cats. The cat took a liking to me (they often do, since I'm allergic), and she was rubbing her head against my hand. Al stood next to me saying, in his Southern drawl, "Oh, she's making looooove to you. You're making looooove." This was a little creepy at the time since, to me, making love is kinda synonymous with boring fucking, which meant I was boringly fucking the cat - while old shriveled Al Montesi watched me and commented on it. But, anyway, that's the third thing I thought of this morning after hearing he passed away.
The second thing I thought of was Al showing up to my and Jenna's wedding six years ago. He wasn't feeling well, but he came anyway. His little hobbity head was one of the first ones I saw poking out of the aisle as I started down it.
But the first thing I thought of was how I found my true voice in Al Montesi's classroom, and my gratitude for that moment.
As some of you know, I spent my late teens and early twenties singing in rock bands. I wanted nothing more than to be a famous rock and roll star. I played in two bands, The Icons and The Pods, and met with some small success. We had a minor following and were able to play the top venues in St. Louis, travel around the Mid-West, and open for bigger acts like Social Distortion, Mudhoney, etc. Our greatest achievement was that we were able to play mostly originals when all of the other popular bands in St. Louis were playing primarily covers. Our second greatest achievement was convincing two girls to get Pods tattoos on their asses three weeks before we broke up. (Sorry, guys!)
I'll never live this down: The Pods: Avram Adam, Lou Mars,
Michael Nemo (aka Mike Meitner), and fucking me.
However, the entire time I played in these bands I just didn't feel quite right.
I didn't know who I was creatively, and was constantly changing my vocal style, trying to find my voice. In addition, I was in constant pain. We'd do three hour bar sets up to four times a week and my throat was ravaged. I'd have to spend a lot of money I didn't have on the throat doctor. I liked the extras that came with playing in a band - not having to wait in line to get into a club, the girls - but I didn't really like singing on stage. I was filled with doubt much of the time. I know today that doubt is a part of any creative struggle, but this doubt was all-encompassing. Today, I think it wasn't just doubt: it was instinct, telling me to look elsewhere for my bliss.
After three years of our band working our asses off and staying at the same level, we broke up. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, so I took the first refuge of the lost: education. I enrolled in classes at St. Louis University, and decided I'd just take a break from all the effort and try to figure out what the fuck I was going to do with my life. One of the classes I took was creative writing with Al Montesi.
It was there I discovered that I loved writing, and that others liked what I wrote. One of our first assignments was to write a play. I wrote a thing called THE GREY ROSE OF CHICAGO. I stayed up all night working on it, fueled by a passion for storytelling I didn't know I had. What was supposed to be five or six pages ended up being twenty-six. The next day, we read it aloud in class, with different students reading different roles. And it was there when the radioactive spider of writing bit my hand. Not only did the class appreciate what I wrote, and laugh the whole way through, I realized I was able to communicate through writing in a way that I tried for years with my music, and was never able.
I finally found my voice, and it had nothing to do with my vocal cords or ravaged throat. My voice was my mind, my words, my humor, my stories. Many people take years to decide whether they should become writers. But I knew in that moment that writing was what I needed to do. I felt it like a calling. I had opened myself up creatively and the road had risen up to meet me in turn.
When we were done reading THE GREY ROSE OF CHICAGO, Al Montesi told me it was trite and immature, as he didn't need to hear another Goddamn play about college students fucking. In retrospect, he was right. The play was crap. But I wrote something as honest and true as I could at the time, and it served its purpose for the moment. Also, frankly, Al wasn't really in my demographic. Even then I knew that the gay-Italian-Southern-senior-citizen-hobbit-like market wasn't one I needed to cater to.
Still, Al saw potential in me, so he took me under his wing. This meant I had to help him move his furniture, lug his boxes of cat books to local signings, and act in the very silly historical plays he wrote for theater-in-the-park. I don't know if any of this helped my writing, but it helped my life. And he encouraged me during a time when I dearly needed it.
So, Al, you salty dog, thanks. I love you.
---------------------------------
TOMORROW!
You guys have asked for it!
The first in a series of advice blogs on how to get into the entertainment industry.
PART ONE: Do you REALLY want to be in the entertainment industry?
B) THE SPECIALS L.A. screening is a myth. I was originally told it was going to be on November 2. This is not true. It was scheduled for November 22, a date I can't make. I think they are rescheduling, but I'll let you know in not too long.
Okay, since you came here, here's a couple of your questions:
Melissa asks: "Why the lower case "i" in SLiTHER? Does it have any significance or do I just spend too much time looking to meaning to things?"
It means nothing. I put this on the cover of the original script because I liked the way it looked graphically, and it stuck. Strangely, neither the theatrical poster nor DVD art has the lowercase 'i.' I fought for it for a while, but, after fighting for so many things, the importance of the case of a letter paled in comparison. But it is lowercase in the title of the film itself. My BlackBerry, which has autotype, and learns from you as you type, has learned to type "SLiTHER" automatically.
John asks: "im, as people call it, pursuing a career as an actor...or i want to...but my parents are totally crushing my dream...they said that its impossible for me. so without my parents' support...how can i do it alone?"
Here's the thing. Anyone who is successful in a field as competitive as the entertainment industry has to overcome some similar odds. You are not alone. Everyone has their challenges they need to overcome, and everyone thinks their own challenges are the hardest. With commitment, most anything can be overcome.
That said, I don't know if you should be an actor or not. For anyone considering a career in acting, I think it's important to ask yourself, do you really want to act, or do you just want to be famous? If you're willing to have a life with little money where you get to act as your profession, then I think you might go fot it.
For people who want to be screenwriters and film actors, I also think it's important to remember that writers write and actors act. People who really want to be actors are currently acting -- they act in local plays, short films, or anything they can do. If you aren't compelled to do this low-level stuff, I think you might consider another direction. Do something you love, and the rest will follow.
Michelle asks: "Just one question in reference to Nathan Fillion's Chainsaw nomination...did he win the award? I can't find any information on who won and am very interested to know who did win if it wasn't him."
No, Nathan did not win. We were told as much. However, your guess is as good as mine as to who won the award. If the great, Goddesstic Debbie Rochon reads this blog, she might have a better idea. I'm sure I can get Nathan to claim it if no one else will.
R asks: "Seriously where did you get the [red fucking] hat from?"
So the watchers of the DVD have honed in on two things above all others:
A) Nathan's "I'm Bill Pardy" mantra. And -
B) My red fuckin' hat.
I was completely not prepared for how wet, cold, and muddy the Vancouver shoot was. The red hat was just something the costume department had on hand, and it worked quite well to keep the rain out of my face. It's not a fashion statement. I didn't go out and buy the fucking thing. As a gift at wrap, Patricia, our costume designer, gave me a more macho black version of the same hat. The truth is I look awful damn ugly (uglier) in hats, and I avoid them at all costs, red or not.
Kristy asks: "Does renting Slither on Netflix help your cause?"
Absolutely! Renting, buying, whatever, it all helps!
Joseph asks: "During the shot where everyone is grabbing guns (just after they figure out where Grant Grant is gonna strike next) Tyler's score sounds very much like Alan Silvestri's theme to 'Predator.' Was this your brainchild or Tyler's, or is this music cue's resemblance just a flat-out coincidence?"
I get asked this a lot. Before a composer scores a film, the director and editor put in a temp score -- we used bits and pieces of scores from other movies to show the composer the type of thing we're looking for in the final film, and it's also the score that plays in the film during the initial friends and family screenings, etc. What John Axelrad, the editor, used in that paticular scene was, in fact, Silvestri's PREDATOR theme. Tyler Bates, the composer, and I, thought it was funny and we thought it worked, and so now our very non-Schwarzneggian heroes have something very close.
----
For those of you interested, here are a couple more interviews with my dumb ass:
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art46987.asp
http://ifmagazine.com/feature.asp?article=1722
http://ifmagazine.com/feature.asp?article=1733
HOLY SHIT! CHECK OUT LINDA'S SLiTHER PUMPKIN:
That's going in the SLiTHER Hall of Fame for sure.
Okay. I'm finished now. This very, very, very quick blog is much, much, much longer than I expected.
SECONDLY, I've been trying to clean up my office over the past couple of days and, in doing so, I came upon a CD full of SLiTHER photos that I don't remember getting. I thought I'd share a few of them with you here (NOTE: the below photographs may have some SLiTHER movie SPOILERS.)
One of my favorite parts of doing SLiTHER was goofing around with the two strange, funny little girls who played Emily and Jenna, Kylie's sisters. That's Amber on the left and Matreya on the right.
We'd often meet in a huddle so the key players would know what was happening in a scene. L to R: Marty McInally, the cameraman, Brian Knight, the AD, Stephanie Rossel, my script supervisor, Brad Van Arragon, the production manager, me, and Greg Middleton, the Director of Photography
Sometimes I'd act out stuff for the actors; here I'm being Grant screeching at Bill Pardy.
Many of the effects in the movie were a combination of prosthetic and digital. With Grant's arm, a puppeteer would swing it around, and then we'd digitally remove the rod and the puppeteer from the shot - still much cheaper than making a realistic CG arm.
Sometimes the prosthetics didn't look how I wanted. Here, the dead dog looked too much like a bear to me, and didn't really look dead. So we reshot it later, and also messed with the shot digitally in post a bit.
This photo hasn't been fucked with, but the sky was so fucking blue that day! I remember being very happy as so many of our days were rainy. This particular day of shooting was very easy - until Nathan got an eye infection later than night.
I love working with animals, even though they're a pain in the ass. This was a trained dairy cow who was very tame and would nuzzle you until you pet her. It's for reasons like that I don't eat cows. Oh, and Elizabeth looks cute here.
This is the exterior of the Henenlotter Saddle Lodge (named after BASKET CASE director, Frank Henenlotter), which was never seen in the final cut of the film. On the DVD outtakes, you can see Bill Pardy put down the two rednecks who fuck that inflatable deer.
Margaret gets gleeked on. Shots like this are a pain, because if you don't get it right the first time it takes a half-hour or so to clean the actor up before you can shoot them again with the phlegm-gun.
Some cute pics of my wife as Shelby Cunningham. Before...
And after.
At the SLiTHER premiere after-party, we had huge posterboard photos from the film all over the walls. One of the posters was this, which I took from the party, and now have hanging in my office.
We called this huge puppet "Tandoori" because he looked like a piece of Tandoori chicken. This puppet didn't look so great close up, but you can see him in the wide shots in the film coming through the field. He was surrounded by puppeteers in black ninja costumes, who we digitally removed. It was a heck of a removal process, because we had to deal with removing puppeteers from every frame in-between all the blades of grass.
Another view of Tandoori (and another view of me in my red fuckin' hat - and don't think I didn't read that Paddington Bear crack on the JG Appreciation page.)
Me and Gregg Henry. Gregg as the Mayor is one of my favorite parts of the movie, and the test audiences love him. I think he only had one line cut from the final film. MORE TRIVIA ABOUT GREGG: He's the consummate professional. When we first did the gag reel, he wasn't in it at all, because he'd never be the one to crack up during a take. So I had them add lines he said in the movie as segues.
Sometimes Nathan looks like a big elf to me. Here's a good example.
On a horror movie set, the absurd becomes normal after awhile.
I love carnage!
ALSO,
There are a few links you guys might be interested in.
The wonderful Staci Wilson has posted an interview with me and Rooker at About.com, right here
She's also posted two more clips from the Visual Effects segment of the DVD extras, here
And here
Another nice SLiTHER review from the good people at Dread Central
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
"How did the whole 'I'm Bill Pardy' mantra get started?" - Ambra
Well, I believe this was something Nathan originally just mumbled to himself to get into character. (This wouldn't be noticed he's always mumbling to himself. He's one quarter homeless man in that way). The first time I ever heard him say it was on the corner outside the school when Trevor and Margaret approached him and he forgot his line; you actually see it on film in the 'Who is Bill Pardy?' segment. From then on, Nathan said it whenever he was in the slightest bit of trouble.
There was another catch phrase on set, which was, "Hey, everybody, look at me, I'm Nathan Fillion, and I'm a fuckin' asshole!" In place of Nathan's name, you could put whoever you wanted to fuck with.
"Is it true that Nathan Fillion is going to be on lost?" - Peter
Yes. He'll be in Kate's backstory. I know more details, but I'm not sure what's out there yet, and don't want to ruin it for you. Right now I really only watch four shows - The Office, 30 Rock (which is fucking great), The Wire, and Lost - so I'm stoked myself.
That's it for now. Remember to watch SLiTHER this Halloween. And, if you're in L.A., come see me in the Upright Citizen's Brigade show this Sunday.
Go with Goo, James
UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE SHOW
Do you guys know the Upright Citizens Brigade? They're this hilarious group of improvisers here in L.A. and in New York. The fine-as-wine Amy Poehler (who is about to star with my wife in BLADES OF GLORY) is a member.
Anyway, they asked me to do a special Halloween show this Sunday night in L.A. The deal is I'll go up there, get thrown ideas from the audience, and tell stories about my life. The Upright Citizens Brigade will, in turn, do improvisational scenes based upon my life. It should be a lot of fun, and if you're in L.A., or near here, you should come check it out. Oh yeah, and it's free! (But, due to the freeness, you should get there early - supposedly a line starts forming around 6:30.) I'll try to hang out afterwards and meet people.
INFO:
ASSSSCAT
Sunday, Oct. 29th @ 7:30pm FREE
UCB Theatre
5919 Franklin Ave.
Hollywood, CA
90028
www.ucbtheatre.com
THE SPECIALS SCREENING
Also, I understand there is going to be a screening of THE SPECIALS at the American Cinematheque also here in L.A. this upcoming Tuesday, November 2. Afterwards, there is supposed to be a Q&A with me and my brother Sean. It could be fun, since THE SPECIALS hasn't been shown in a theater for years, and I'll let you know more when I find it out.
I LIKE THIS...
By the Bill Cosby Abortion Extravaganza -
(And, yes, that's Kraft singles cut up and put on Ritz crackers.)
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Giveaway-Winner Paul posted these questions about the SLiTHER DVD extras in another forum, and I thought I'd answer them here:
"That part at the end [of the Nathan Fillion set tour] where you said the movie has it's cock in your mouth?... I had the feeling that may have come out of you at a moment when things were tough or something?... Do you actually remember what you were doing at that time? Either way, it was hilarious."
I've gotten a lot of messages about my cock in my mouth speech at the end of the Nathan Fillion Set Tour - it's been quoted to me more than anything else on the extras, if not in the movie itself. I WAS actually very frustrated at that point in time, but simultaneously focused on getting what I needed out of the day. A lot of things weren't going well, I was having problems with the puppets, and maybe I was a little sick of being filmed all the time. I remember Nathan prodding me as I grew increasingly vulgar and thinking, "Universal will never put this on the DVD." I was wrong, obviously (which doesn't mean I don't think it's funny - I do). Nathan had a little look of glee behind the camera the whole time, knowing he was getting something disgusting out of me.
"And did Kaufman go apeshit when you cut his line?... Was that your plan all along?"
Paul is of course referring to Lloyd Kaufman, the president of Troma Studios and the creator of the Toxic Avenger, and my old boss. On the DVD there is a diary of his set tour, where he comes in to Vancouver to do a one-line cameo, but ends up getting cut from the movie. But, hell, no - Lloyd wasn't angry. At least I didn't replace him with another actor and reshoot his scenes like Whit Stillman did in METROPOLITAN! Lloyd got a free trip to Vancouver, and was paid his SAG rate. When he discovered he wasn't completely cut from the film, he was pleased.
And I didn't plan it either. The truth is the scene just flows better without Lloyd's line in it mucking it up. It didn't have anything to do with his acting.
Originally, I wrote a different role for Lloyd, a role which is now in the deleted scenes. He was supposed to be the drunk guy fucking the plastic deer in the parking lot of the Deer Cheer party. Since that scene got cut entirely, Lloyd probably did get lucky.
Although the "Sad Drunk" was always in the script, I added a line to the character at the last minute because it worked out with Lloyd's schedule. Those last-minute changes almost always seem to get cut from movies, so it was probably stupid of me to think it would stay in.
POULTRYGEIST
Speaking of Lloyd, I finally saw a rough cut of his new movie, POULTRYGESIT, a MUSICAL about a chicken fast food place haunted by Native American spirits, which actually results in (of course) Zombie Chickens. I LOVED the movie, it was everything I wanted. The gore was completely and utterly over the top. A massacre scene at the end goes on for about twenty minutes with one hilarious gore gag after the other.
I was watching Bravo's Scariest Moments the other night, where Eli Roth claimed Peter Jackson created the slapstick-gore film. I love Eli, but he's wrong, of course. The slapstick gore film was created by none other than Lloyd Kaufman, with THE TOXIC AVENGER, which in turn inspired the likes of Jackson, Raimi, and others. POULTRYGEIST is Lloyd's ultimate slapstick-gore movie, and I couldn't get enough of it.
But my favorite part of the movie is actually a musical sequence called "Fast Food Love" a truly great and beautiful song, which happens to be backed by naked women dancing and the usual Troma silliness. It's completely mind-expanding.
FINALLY...
If you guys want to see a partial clip of the SLiTHER effects documentary, you can check out CHUD today. Go here.
Love,
Count Fucko
As far as SLiTHER goes, this is about the end of my journey that started more than two years ago. The DVD release is the last major hallmark for the film, and I won't have to do this kind of major press for the movie in the foreseeable future. It's been a remarkable time. The movie was more enjoyable to make than I could have possibly imagined, and I made lifelong friends in the process - not only the actors and crew from the film, but also my fellow horror filmmakers and journalists who came out in support of the movie. And the reception of the film has been way beyond what I ever would have thought.
A lot of the DVD reviews recently have focused on how SLiTHER didn't make much at the box office and it should have made more. But, for me, SLiTHER is one hundred percent successful. I set out to make a film of which I was proud. I've sat through too may premieres of films I've worked on where I've been upset or embarrassed by the final product. But I love SLiTHER. At the premiere I sat across from Judith O'Dea star of fuck