Hi! First I'd like to introduce myself to you! My name is NIGHTBIRD, and I'm the newest member of the Specials! I was born with the mutant ability of BIRD POWERS, and all I ever wanted to be my whole life was a member of the Specials, and now here I am, a one!

So Tim (Minute Man to you!) and Mr. Smart called a meeting (Tim's the Specials' head of publicity and Mr. Smart's our technical advisor) and they said all of us members of the Specials had to contribute something to the new Specials fan site web page! Cool! I said! I raised my hand. "Tim, can I do a page on current events in the Specials, maybe, if that's not stupid!" And he said, "Great!" He really liked that idea a lot (unless he was faking so I wouldn't look dumb in front of everybody, which is probably TRUE). So, anyway, I hope I don't let you down! Good luck to me!

Aaagh!!! Isn't it so cool?! My God! A movie about US! They made this movie right when I joined, so I think I'm in some scenes! They shot one scene when I was in my underwear. I didn't really want to do that, because what if my butt looks fat? They said, don't worry, it's just like a bikini. What's the difference between your underwear and a bikini? That made sense at the time, but now I'm not sure. Okay, next thing!

The last game was a DOOZY! The Specials team, The Bulldogs, beat the Marine Plumbing Mariners 147 to 0. A lot of points were by the Strobe and Amok, who FLEW around the bases so fast that they could never be tagged out, and the Weevil who used his super leaping ability to jump from base to base in just FOUR JUMPS (it was totally cool! I couldn't believe it! I was like oh my God he's jumping so far that looks so cool!) Ms. Indestructible and U.S. Bill used their super-strength to hit the ball so far that no one could ever get it (the next day we heard a sad story about a poor boy in West Hollywood who was hit in the head by a flying softball and it put him in a coma.) Minute Man walked EVERY TIME he went to base because he would shrink down to about an inch and it was impossible for the Mariner's pitcher to put the ball in the strike zone. Thumbs up to Alien Orphan who caught every single ball! It was neat, because he'd just stretch his arm to catch the ball and then flatten himself like a pancake over the entire field so that no matter where the runner stepped he'd be O-U-T. Almost all outs were caused by me and by Mr. Smart, because we are terrible players. So it's on to the Silverlake Semi-finals, where we've been the champions ten years in a row!

In the words of the Strobe, "Action Figures are to Superheroes what Oscars are to Actors," so we're all pumped up here about these neat neat neat figures! All of the members of the Specials will be represented, except there won't be a me because the licensing deal was done before I came along. Oh, well - it'd probably have a fat butt anyway! Ha! If someone wanted to make a mean joke about me they could say that my superpower is having a fat butt! It wouldn't be very funny, and it would hurt my feelings.

Putty Man from The Anti-Evil Gang is another in a long line of stretching persons said to have contracted cancer. It's funny how something really great, like us going to the Silverlake Softball Finals, and something really bad, like finding out Putty Man is dead from head cancer, can happen on the same day. Our love goes to P.M., his wife, Phlegm Lass, and his family, whose names we don't know.

Congratulations to our own Weevil, for having been named "Most Witty," and to Alien Orphan for being named in the "New Heroes-to-Watch" section! (next year could moi hope for such a blessing? Wow!) Also, congrats to THE SPECIALS, who are now the seventh most famous team of superheroes in the country! Rolling Stone listed it like this:

1. The Crusaders
2. Gamma-Dogs
3. The Amazing Trio
4. The Femme Five
5. The Imperials
6. Art's Revenge Crew
7. The Anti-Evil Gang
8. The Specials!!!!

This is down from seventh last year, but it's still pretty good! And also let me also just say here that I for one think the readers of Rolling Stone are totally, totally dumb for naming Minute Man number two under most lame costume and naming Power Chick under "Heroes you most want to slap!" BOO for Rolling Stone (except for the good things)!

Recently The Specials had a garage sale at the Specials HQ here in Silverlake. One of the items sold was a small, glimmering silver cube with some spiky things coming out of it. If you are the buyer of this object please return it immediately, because it is a bomb. U.S. Bill was goofing around with it and he took it out of the mini Specials museum and set it on the table and I accidentally sold it for 12 dollars. I thought it was a paperweight. But it is actually an extremely dangerous nitrogen-type bomb from an alternate dimension where Mr. Smart met his evil self and stole this bomb from him because it was going to be used to blow-up Iowa (the evil Specials in the alternate dimension reside in Iowa, which, in the alternate dimension, is where Kansas is here. We teamed up with the Malignant Six, who are good guys in their dimension, to defeat them. Amok brought up a good point, which is Why do they have the same name, the Malignant Six, if they're good on that planet? We never got a straight answer). Anyway, I can't remember who I sold the bomb to, I think it was someone with red hair, but I'm not sure. If you bought this cube, or know someone who did, please contact Specials HQ immediately. Please return the bomb. We'll gladly refund the 12 dollars.

That's it! Thanks for listening to me, Nightbird! I hope I didn't do too dumb of a job on this page, and I hope you come back to read it again soon! It's cool being a Special!

Love! XXXOOOXXXXX

NIGHTBIRD!


The Specials DVD
DVD - Click here to buy now from Amazon.com.