REAL NAME: Ted Tilderbrook

AGE: 36

SUPERPOWER: Shoots laser beams out of arms. Can fly.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 10

ORIGIN STORY:

Ted was a twenty-two year old college student and I, his brother Tim, was thirteen. One night we snuck into an abandoned photo-processing plant "on a goof." We were unaware that that supervillain Dr. Malevolent was using the abandoned plant as a laboratory (he was out at the time). Ted and I were tiptoeing across a ceiling rafter when Ted slipped and plummeted into a giant vat of experimental radioactive fluid. I tried to help him out but I only weighed sixty pounds (I was little for thirteen) and I toppled in after him. Eventually, we escaped from the vat and we collapsed outside the plant. Our skin was burning. It hurt. We had both fallen into comas when an ambulance delivered us to St. Dominic's hospital. There, Ted was pronounced dead but resuscitated. While "dead" Ted had a vision of God - that he was chosen to do God's work on earth. He said God was white and had sort of an oval-shaped head, but what he looked like wasn't the important thing and I should quit bugging him about it. Anyway, when we came out of our comas we found that both our bodies were suddenly enhanced with superpowers. Ted had the idea that was should don costumes and became The Strobe and Minute Boy, and it was neat.

FUN FACTS:

Ted is the leader of The Specials and the President and CEO of Specials, Inc.

The Strobe and Minute Boy worked solo for four years, then we hooked up with Emily Chandler (Ms. Indestructible) and Stretchie Boy, as well as The Weevil from the Teen Tusslers. We formed The Specials.

Ted married Emily Chandler five years ago, and they have lived happily ever after since.

UNTRUE RUMOR(S):

The Strobe is not the inventor of the Slurpee.

When Valiant Lass, a later member, left the Specials to join the Crusaders, he did not tell her Christ would send her to Hell for leaving. Ted explains: "I wished her the best of luck, and told her my prayers would be with her - and I knew she'd need my prayers, considering the Crusaders are backed by the CIA."



WEEVIL

REAL NAME: Tony Sierra' Jr.

AGE: 32

SUPERPOWER: Weevil agility. Can walk up walls and across ceilings. Weevil strength.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 10

ORIGIN STORY:

Tony is a second-generation superhero. His father, Tony Sierra, Sr., the noted paleontologist, was the original Weevil. Tony, Sr. discovered an ancient insect frozen in amber. Sierra' Sr. was driven to ingest the insect, which then gave him "weevil powers." When his son Tony turned 14 he shared a bite of the bug with him, and Tony Jr. began his training as the new Weevil.

FUN FACTS:

Weevil can be referred to as either "The Weevil" or just plain "Weevil." The article is optional.

Neither Tony nor his father are really sure whether the insect trapped in amber was a weevil or some other type of insect (such as a cockroach). Tony Sr. was a paleontologist' not an entomologist.

The Weevil has been a superhero for eighteen years - longer than any other Special.

Weevil has a devilish sense of humor' and once got into a six month long, one-upmanship prank contest with his buddy, actor George Clooney.

Weevil is the most popular member of the Specials - both in and outside the group. He was voted "Most Witty" in the recent Rolling Stone Costumed Hero Poll. He was featured in recent articles in US magazine and Martha Stewart's Living.

Hotwheels have just released a car based on Tony's Weevil-mobile.

UNTRUE RUMOR(S):

Weevil is not the father of a nine-year-old black child in Pascagoula, Mississippi. He refuses to take a DNA test' not because it will prove his paternity, but because he disagrees with DNA testing on ethical grounds.

Weevil's father was not gay, although he did have a loving, "touch-based-relationship" with the superhero Rock Heavy for a few years.



MINUTE MAN

REAL NAME: Tim Tilderbrook (me!)

AGE: 27

SUPERPOWER: I can turn small, to a tiny fraction of a millimeter.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 10

ORIGIN STORY:

See my brother The Strobe's origin, above. It's exactly the same except for the part about seeing God in a dream at the end. While we were laid up for those three weeks, my most vivid dream was a dream about having a tickle war with Blair from "Facts of Life" (the earlier' skinnier Blair).

FUN FACTS:

My name is pronounced, "Minute" as in small. I'm currently considering some new names, including SMALL, TIM-O-MITE, and THE FINGERNAIL MAN (because I can change to the size of a fingernail). If you are a person who turns small yourself, please don't steal one of these names! Thank you.

My name was "Minute Boy" until I turned twenty-four' when I felt stupid still being a "Boy" (NOTE: BLAST BOY of the Imperials is forty-seven' and he's still a "Boy." So enough with the jokes' I'm not that bad in comparison).

Sometimes my superpower has been belittled; several bitter and cynical publications (i.e. Highlights Magazine) have claimed that my powers are useless because someone could just "step on me." But on a number of occasions my powers have bailed out the group. For instance, six months ago, The Specials and I were battling Arcanos from Alpha Centauri' who was threatening to destroy planet earth with a death ray. He struck all the other Specials unconscious' except for me because he didn't even know I was there because I was so tiny. At that point I crawled into Arcanos' ear and then I sat on one of the folds of his brain and I immediately grew back to my regular size. This caused a minor fracture on my head as I hit the inner ceiling of Arcanos, skull as I burst upward' and it was extremely gory and I was never able to get the blood and brains out of my costume. But, still, I exploded Arcanos, head and sort of' really' saved the world.

UNTRUE RUMOR:

I did not "slap" a Walgreen's employee who mispronounced my name and said my orange costume looked "faggy." What happened was that she was saying all these mean things to me, and I just turned away real quick, ignoring her. I didn't notice that my arm was outstretched in a fist-like shape that knocked her to the ground. It's also untrue that I pleaded "guilty" to the charges - I pleaded "no contest." The court sent me to a year of anger management courses, which is how I became friends with Tommy Lee.



MS. INDESTRUCTIBLE

REAL NAME: Emily Chandler

AGE: 30

SUPERPOWER: Indestructible skin, super-strength.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 10

ORIGIN STORY:

Emily Chandler had a recessive mutant gene that caused her transformation into Ms. Indestructible when she hit puberty. Emily has had many other superpowered relatives in her family history - her uncle was Kid Comet and her cousin is Gray Matter of the Amazing Trio.

OTHER NOTES ON MS. INDESTRUCTIBLE:

Emily was reluctant to become a superhero. Although she had her superpowers for five years, she never donned a costume until she was in her twenties' prodded on by her new boyfriend Ted Tilderbrook.

Emily is considered the "Organized Special" and handles many of the practical matters around the HQ. This causes many fun-loving, hilarious confrontations between her and the messier members of the group' such as U.S. Bill and Amok!

UNTRUE RUMOR:

Contrary to popular myth, Ms. Indestructible doesn't hate being a superhero at all. She told Spin magazine: "Donning those lightning-bolt boots was the second best day of my life' after marrying Ted."



MR. SMART

REAL NAME: Graham Brakhage

AGE: 31

SUPERPOWER: Amazing intelligence

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 9

ORIGIN STORY:

Mr. Smart was born with his gift.

FUN FACTS:

Mr. Smart is the eight-time Rubik's cube champion of the world.

Mr. Smart designed the Specials HQ telephone system, which works like a charm!

UNTRUE RUMOR:

Five years ago, the supervillain Prank Master released a false press release, supposedly from Mr. Smart, claiming that Mr. Smart was made of sponge and could absorb any blow without injury. The release stated that Mr. Smart "challenges any person on the street to punch him in the stomach unaware" and that Mr. Smart would walk away without injury. Due to this lying press release, Mr. Smart has been hospitalized on several occasions. Stop the violence on Mr. Smart! He is not made of sponge! He is made of human tissue like you and me, and it hurts when you punch him, especially when he doesn't know it's coming!



EIGHT

REAL NAMES: Unknown.

AGES: Various.

SUPERPOWER: Eight is a single consciousness in eight separate bodies. He is able to think eight separate thoughts concurrently. All of his bodies are honed to athletic perfection. He is overwhelmingly intelligent and knowledgeable on many issues.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 8

ORIGIN STORY:

Eight was at one time eight separate human beings. They were part of a sleep study performed by the CIA on "joint dreams." The eight humans, did, in fact, have a joint dream (it concerned going to school naked)' but when they awakened they realized that their minds had remained connected.

FUN FACTS:

Eight won't do publicity.

Eight is the only Special to hold other jobs outside of the group: He is a schoolteacher, and a renowned scientist at DuPont, and a professional wrestler, etc.

UNTRUE RUMOR:

Eight having sex with himself is not "incest" no matter what Alabama says. It is masturbation, and is a healthy part of a person's sexual life.



U.S. BILL

REAL NAME: Unknown - U.S. Bill keeps his identity a secret, even from the other Specials, so as not to compromise those he loves.

AGE: Again, it's a secret. Because of his taste in music (his favorite band is Fine Young Cannibals), we guess it's somewhere in his mid to late twenties.

SUPERPOWER: Super-Strength. U.S. Bill can lift a metric ton.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 7

ORIGIN STORY:

U.S. Bill claims to have gotten his super-strength through a faulty tetanus shot.

FUN FACTS:

U.S. Bill's nickname around the Specials is "Pooh" because of his simple, charming nature similar to Winnie-the-Pooh.

U.S. Bill is a massive Britney Spears fan' and has an autographed poster of her in his locker. He is in the middle of writing a screenplay to star himself and Britney.

UNTRUE RUMOR:

U.S. Bill does not suffer from Down Syndrome, though he was once shot with a Mongoloid Death Ray by the supervillain K-Martian, which gave Bill the dreaded disease for three days.



AMOK

REAL NAME: Caspar Drake

AGE: 25

SUPERPOWER: Amok can blast anti-matter from his hands, and he can fly.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 5

ORIGIN STORY:

Caspar Drake, a young high-school dropout who earned his living doing custom paintings on the sides of vans, was chosen to become Amok, an emissary of the enormous God-like planet-eater Tyrannos. Tyrannos bestowed upon Drake his enormous powers. He then sent Amok to planets to announce that he was coming to destroy them. However, Amok had such a bad attitude - one time he spit on Tyrannos giant eye - and he was somewhat of a slacker - sometimes he would just go to the arcade or something and forget to go to a planet to warn them Tyrannos was coming to eat them - that Tyrannos fired Amok.

FUN FACTS:

Amok is the bad boy of the Specials, and he adds a lot of life to our group meetings with his disorderly' rebellious nature!

When Amok first gained his superpowers he was impressionable. Like so many who gain world-changing powers in an instant, he was overwhelmed with the responsibility. In this confused state he joined the Sinister Swarm - Amok, an orphan, found a father-like figure in their charismatic leader' the Amazing Blister. The Sinister Swarm synthesized a strain of scabies and threatened the U.N. that they would release the virus on the public unless they were paid a billion dollars. The Crusaders stopped the Swarm's malignant plan, and Amok was sent to Ryker's island, Sector 6 (for superpowered villains). He did his time - three years - and was rehabilitated. When he was released' he turned over a new leaf, turning in his evil duds for those of a hero' and he joined the Specials.

Amok's uncle is Deney Terrio of "Dance Fever" fame.

UNTRUE RUMOR:

Most rumors that you hear about Amok are true.



POWER CHICK

REAL NAME: Nancy Glickenstaff

AGE: 34

SUPERPOWER: Power Chick can mutate her body into any substance she desires - whether it be hard as diamond or soft as a Ty plush animal.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 5

ORIGIN STORY:

Nancy "dropped" a mysterious substance at a Grateful Dead concert in 1986 that resulted in her amazing superpower.

FUN FACTS:

Power Chick has been sober for twelve years, an active member of a twelve-step organization.

Power Chick is the only member of the Specials with her own Ben and Jerry's flavor ice cream - Power Chocochick!

Power Chick is the only gay member of the Specials. She lived with Melissa Etheridge for three years before meeting her current life-partner.

Power Chick and her life-partner legally adopted Alien Orphan, who lives with them in West Hollywood.

UNTRUE RUMOR:

Power Chick and Tina Yothers are not the same person.



DEADLY GIRL

REAL NAME: Angela McCary

AGE: 23

SUPERPOWER: Deadly Girl is perhaps the most powerful member of the Specials. She is the Ruler of the World of the Dead (a mysterious demonic dimension). Her powers are tri-fold:

• 1) Because D.G. is the Ruler of the World of the Dead, she is in charge of all manner of demons that reside there. She is able to summon them to this plane of existence (known as the Material Universe) to do her bidding.


• 2) D.G. is able to transport herself from one spot on earth to another in an instance. She does this by slipping into the World of the Dead and then slipping out again at whatever spot she desires - most desirably, right behind a bad guy, so she can whack him in the head with a rock!


• 3) D.G. can blast protoplasmic rays from her arms. Although not as powerful as The Strobe's lasers or Amok's anti-matter, they hurt like heck!

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 3

ORIGIN STORY:

Angela was a member of Alpha Gamma Delta sorority on the University of Michigan campus. One night, slightly buzzed from a keg party, she and three of her sorority sisters started messing around with a Ouija board (board for contacting spirits manufactured by Parker Brothers). Somehow, the four young women accidentally triggered a multidimensional portal into the World of the Dead. This is a very bad place if you've never been there. It's mostly black, like outer space, but instead of stars or planets there are a bunch of purple, swirly spiny things, and demons of various types. There, a group of demons headed by the sadistic Lord Vorhu, the then-current Ruler of the World of the Dead, used the girls as grisly fodder, torturing them and murdering them. Angela witnessed the horror of her friends disemboweled and dying (which may be partly responsible for her current "Goth" appearance). She herself was about to be sacrificed by Lord Vorhu with the sacred Dagger of the Dead. Lord Vorhu set down the dagger for a moment, to scold one of his demons for something they had done (I think it was using one of Angela's friend's heads as a hand puppet), and Angela heroically grabbed the dagger. She leapt upon Vorhu with a speed uncommon for Alpha Gamma Deltas - or any sorority sister' for that matter - and slit open Vorhu's neck. At that moment, Vorhu's powers poured from the open slice on his neck (his powers looked like green and yellow sparkly things' D.G. claims), and into a surprised Angela McCary. As Vorhus stumbled onto a purple spiny thing and died' Angela McCary became the new Ruler of the World of the Dead. Demons (usually) submit to her as they did to Lord Vorhu, and she is able to come and go from the World of the Dead as she pleases.

FUN FACTS:

Deadly Girl doesn't enjoy going to the World of the Dead very often. She'd rather hang around Specials HQ playing Nintendo 64.

D.G. lords over one race of demons, the Kormanneku, which look almost exactly like Care Bears.

For U.S. Bill's birthday, D.G. did a recreation of his favorite movie, Jason and the Argonauts, with real walking skeletons. He was delighted!

UNTRUE RUMOR:

Deadly Girl and I are best friends but we are NOT, as some magazines have assumed, romantically attached. Our date to the premiere of Can't Hardly Wait was strictly platonic.



ALIEN ORPHAN

REAL NAME: (unpronounceable word of 42 syllables that begins with an "M"). Some of the members of the Specials have taken to calling Alien Orphan "Doug."

AGE: 4,027

SUPERPOWER:

Can mold his body into any shape, though not always perfectly. It is almost impossible to kill Alien Orphan; if you blew him up, his various parts would just rejoin and continue on their way. His green hue and freakish appearance is disarming to enemies.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 1

ORIGIN STORY:

Alien Orphan's rocket ship crash landed on earth about a year and a half ago. At that time, he was a living substance in the shape of a gooey green glob that looked a lot like phlegm. Gradually, over time, Alien Orphan has been able to hold his body, through will power, in the approximate shape of a human being. As he was not able to speak English, we knew very little about his origin, that is, until we ran into some of the "policemen" from his galaxy a few months ago: It seems the law of Alien Orphan's native galaxy was pursuing him for political transgressions. To his native galaxy, God is a consistent drip down a stalactite on the fourth planet of their solar system. Alien Orphan did a forbidden dance that mocked his galaxy's God. For this, the galaxy's tribunal instantly ordered his death. Alien Orphan stole a rocket ship and made his way toward earth. He has found safe harbor in The Specials HQ, both because the Specials stand against all political oppression, and because the idea of worshipping a drip as God is pretty darn silly.

FUN FACTS:

Alien Orphan's favorite food is a whole stick of butter, even though he constantly vomits it up.

Sometimes A.O. eats his own vomit like a dog.

Despite A.O.'s love of his newfound planet, he is prone to bouts of infantile aggression where he beats on inanimate objects or his friends. This is safe on his planet, because A.O. and his Nerf-like friends can beat on each other without harm, but here it can be dangerous at times. We've been focusing on this aspect of his training since he accidentally broke Power Chick's collarbone.

Alien Orphan's race is autogenuous - that is, they reproduce without sex. He has no sexual interest in other creatures. But his race does enter into "marriages" of between 8 and 16 creatures - Power Chick has surmised that this is what he considers The Specials.

UNTRUE RUMOR:

Alien Orphan did not form himself into a giant penis and "squirt" himself onto the Ðbermensch in our last battle. He did it for us, in private, afterwards, as a joke.



NIGHTBIRD

REAL NAME: Shelley Madden

AGE: 20

SUPERPOWER: Bird powers.

YRS. IN SPECIALS: 2 weeks

ORIGIN STORY:

Little is currently known by the other members of the Specials about Nightbird or her mysterious bird powers.

FUN FACTS:

Nightbird has a heck of a figure!

Rumor has it that Nightbird is currently dating another member of The Specials. I won't say whom... but let's just say sometimes he is the shortest member and sometimes he isn't...

UNTRUE RUMOR:

The naked picture of Nightbird on the Internet is actually Nightbird's head pasted onto Bijoux Phillips' body.

We've had a lot of Specials over the years, including some, like Valiant Lass, who are now world-famous! Here are some:

Stretchie Boy (deceased)
Valiant Lass (currently in The Crusaders)
Zip Boy, the Fastest Kid in the World (Zip Boy has started a new and fashionable enterprise recruiting superpowered heroes into the private sector)
Hardcore Tommy (currently in the Anti-Evil Gang)
The Knockout Artist (deceased)
Captain Elastic (deceased)
Kid Guppy (whereabouts unknown)
Strong Girl (changed her name to The Mighty Dyke and joined the Femme Five)
The Purple Nurple (now a grade school teacher in Iowa)
Morsel (deceased)



The Specials DVD
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