Mar 8, 2010
Precious Is Fat: My Insightful Oscar Commentary
For those of you who missed my Twitter commentary on the Oscars yesterday, here it is:
Why is Alec Baldwin standing like a Neanderthal?
There was a 4th John Hughes kid, but Matthew Broderick killed him while drunk driving.
Fuck this Logorama bastard piece of shit for screwing up my Oscar pool.
Mrs. Garrett just won an Academy Award for documentary short.
God, this is boring. If I didn’t drive @Yarvo I think I’d be on my way home to jerk off to furry porn, or something else more interesting.
Precious is fat.
I think Up in the Air may be the best Pixar movie. I mean, it really looks realistic!
Mo’nique was good in Precious, but I liked her better in The Parkers.
‘An Education’ is my favorite movie in the Twilight saga.
Wait a second. I’m forgetting. Who are the nominees this year for Best Anal Scene?
I love that costume design chick. She absolutely did not give a shit that she just won an Oscar!
What better people to present the horror reel than the stars of Twilight? #fuckyousohardoscars
Why is this horror tribute sucking Tim Burton’s cock?
The best of horror!
(My favorite response, during the Horror Tribute:) RT @Ian_Pretorious @james_gunn I’m taking it you didn’t like the oscar salute to the horror section at Wal-Mart.
I can’t believe James Cameron had time to sound edit the Hurt Locker.
I think John Travolta just insinuated that the holocaust didn’t happen (Tarantino ‘rewrote history.’)
These people are all dead.
Every year they throw a live person into the dead people montage, to keep us awake. Karl Malden is alive & well, folks.
I want to do a montage of living people whose careers are dead.
I’m enjoying this salute to gay Hollywood dance sequence.
I like the part in The Cove when Ed Helms marries that stripper.
I love when Tyler Perry puts on that fat suit and plays Precious.
THE END
P.S. Although I was retweeted hundreds of times and I got a lot of new followers, I also got a lot of people sending me the Wikipedia page for Karl Malden to show me that he was really dead, and a few folks explaining to me that “Up” was the Pixar movie and “Up in the Air” was actually live action, which is why it looked so good. Um, okay. I also got a few people offended by my Tweets. Sorry. If you don’t like ‘em, click unfollow!
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