Jesus Rode a Dinosaur

Aug 10, 2009

I just had to share this. It’s is from some sort of creationist coloring book. They believe that dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time (since the earth is only 6,000 years old). And, of course, it follows that Jesus would have ridden dinosaurs. After all, reptiles are almost always easily domesticated.

And if you think that’s the sole image of Jesus riding a dinosaur, think again:

It seems Jesus rode baby apatosauruses as well as velociraptors. I wonder if Jesus kept these dinosaurs on a ranch of some type and if Jesus had to jerk off the dinosaurs into a pre-modern-age turkey baster to get them to breed in captivity. How else would he get such gentle babies as this?

Yes, this is the only blog in which we talk about Jesus jerking off dinosaurs.

And here’s another great photo of some parents creating a little moron at the Creationist Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky. Watch as the little tyke learns that ancient folk once saddled up triceratops. Next, he will learn how to fuck his sister.

Another actual diorama from the Creationist Museum:

And one from a historically accurate children’s book:

And yet another creationist image of dinosaurs and humans coexisting:

The creationists believe humans and dinosaurs did lots of activities side-by-side:

Creationists claim that "leviathans" and "behemoths" in the Bible are referring to dinosaurs, and that most of the Book of Job is referring to the historical Dino-Riders:

But most dinosaurs, creationists claim, were kept as domesticated pets. Here’s a depiction as to what one might have looked like:

All this said, I really do hope the creationists are right and Jesus did ride a dinosaur. That is a much more kickass world than the one I live in.

Bye,

James

Thanks to Mia Matsumiya for the first image. And to Jesus for making creationists so silly and awesome.

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Category: Uncategorized

Tagged: creationists, Jesus, Jesus Christ

http://www.feoamante.com Feo Amante

At last the huge mystery of my life is now solved! WWJD? He ride a fucking RAPTOR!
Tonya J

I’ve seen all of this before, though this blog entry is pretty darn amusing and helps undercut the dread and sadness I feel whenever I come into contact with these people/this subject. If this ever got a serious foothold, we are all.fucked. Here’s a description of what it’s like to attend one of these “museums”.

“I do not think I like these people”:

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/08/the_creation_museum_1.php
http://myspace.com/freakinmayhem freakinmayhem

This would be funny except for the fact that nearly half of all Americans believe this shit…
http://www.myspace.com/datieray datieray

fucking hysterical! man i wish i had one of those coloring books… figures the creationist museum would be in kentucky, makes perfect sense
cknewton

OMG, thought I was going to fall out of my chair laughing! As a homeschooler in Texas of all places, I can tell you these people do exist and they’re fucking crazy. The so-called normal folks like us have to stay under cover somewhat lest we be outed as the heathens we apparently are for believing in evolution and the other scientific theories. Thanks for sharing, James!
Marc

Seriously, that would make a bitching creche.

This explains what Jesus was doing durring those lost years, he was a rangler at the Gallilee Tyranosaurus Ranch & Puppy Mill.
http://www.bjschwartz.com Wolvesinthewoods

So, James: Predictably, I got in a squabble after linking to this genius find on facebook … finding myself in a “discussion” with an acquaintance who is in luuuv with Ben Stein’s Expelled. If you haven’t seen the “documentary” and have netflix … I recommend hitting the watch “Instantly” section and starting about an hour in. It’s amazing. Belief in evolution lead to the holocaust! Did you know??? ( …. (The More you know >)
benn

I loved Dino-Riders.
Tee Spreck

I’m curious to what exactly a prehistoric turkey baster might look like and find the mental image slightly disturbing.
hatethedrake

I did a little poking around on these Internets and found out that the coloring book thing is actually a piece of artwork by a guy named Derek Chatwood. See his awesome art-filled blog here: http://poprelics.com/
Also, more creationist coloring book stuff here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bar-art/3408221487/
http://www.twitter.com/katiecrampton Katie C

Flesh of Christ crayons? Okay, that’s SUPER CREEPY!
Pingback: Colin Dean (colindean) 's status on Monday, 10-Aug-09 17:12:13 UTC - Identi.ca
http://www.jamesgunn.com James Gunn

Oleifr – Yes. Jurassic Park is total anti-creationist disinformation.
http://www.facebook.com/jonaswagner Rantanplan1980

Say dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time, I just can get my head around the leap from earth being 6000 years old to dinosaurs being on the ark. Where did they get this idea?
What kind of drugs are they taking? Where can I get some?
http://twitter.com/oleifr Oleifr

I love the fact they have a “Flesh of Christ” colour. Although I don’t like the fact that this comment box is telling me I spelt colour, and now spelt, wrong. :p

On another note, does that mean Jurassic Park was wrong about dinosaurs? They wouldn’t actually eat us, but instead kneel down so that we could get on? Damn you Spielberg and Crichton for your lies and misinformation!

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