Aug 10, 2009
Jesus Rode a Dinosaur
I just had to share this. It’s is from some sort of creationist coloring book. They believe that dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time (since the earth is only 6,000 years old). And, of course, it follows that Jesus would have ridden dinosaurs. After all, reptiles are almost always easily domesticated.
And if you think that’s the sole image of Jesus riding a dinosaur, think again:
It seems Jesus rode baby apatosauruses as well as velociraptors. I wonder if Jesus kept these dinosaurs on a ranch of some type and if Jesus had to jerk off the dinosaurs into a pre-modern-age turkey baster to get them to breed in captivity. How else would he get such gentle babies as this?
Yes, this is the only blog in which we talk about Jesus jerking off dinosaurs.
And here’s another great photo of some parents creating a little moron at the Creationist Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky. Watch as the little tyke learns that ancient folk once saddled up triceratops. Next, he will learn how to fuck his sister.
Another actual diorama from the Creationist Museum:
And one from a historically accurate children’s book:
And yet another creationist image of dinosaurs and humans coexisting:
The creationists believe humans and dinosaurs did lots of activities side-by-side:
Creationists claim that "leviathans" and "behemoths" in the Bible are referring to dinosaurs, and that most of the Book of Job is referring to the historical Dino-Riders:
But most dinosaurs, creationists claim, were kept as domesticated pets. Here’s a depiction as to what one might have looked like:
All this said, I really do hope the creationists are right and Jesus did ride a dinosaur. That is a much more kickass world than the one I live in.
Bye,
James
Thanks to Mia Matsumiya for the first image. And to Jesus for making creationists so silly and awesome.
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© 2009, James Gunn. All rights reserved.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
At last the huge mystery of my life is now solved! WWJD? He ride a fucking RAPTOR!
August 11th, 2009 at 7:59 am
I’ve seen all of this before, though this blog entry is pretty darn amusing and helps undercut the dread and sadness I feel whenever I come into contact with these people/this subject. If this ever got a serious foothold, we are all.fucked. Here’s a description of what it’s like to attend one of these “museums”.
“I do not think I like these people”:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/08/the_creation_museum_1.php
August 10th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
This would be funny except for the fact that nearly half of all Americans believe this shit…
August 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
fucking hysterical! man i wish i had one of those coloring books… figures the creationist museum would be in kentucky, makes perfect sense
August 10th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
OMG, thought I was going to fall out of my chair laughing! As a homeschooler in Texas of all places, I can tell you these people do exist and they’re fucking crazy. The so-called normal folks like us have to stay under cover somewhat lest we be outed as the heathens we apparently are for believing in evolution and the other scientific theories. Thanks for sharing, James!