Jul 2, 2009
Evolution Fucked Your Shit Up: The World’s 50 Freakiest Animals
Seapig
Ajolote
Aye-Aye
Chinese Giant Salamander
Pygmy Jerboa
Giant Isopod
Thorny Devil Lizard
It shall also be noted that these sons-of-bitches shoot blood out of their eyes as a defense mechanism.
Hagfish
Hairy Frog
Human-Faced Carp
Seadevil
Proboscis Monkey
Goblin Shark
Purple Frog
Pygmy Marmoset
Sea Dragon
Tarsier
It’s been pointed out to me that Sonya, in the video above, is not actually a tarsier but a slow loris. Still, I’m keeping the video up ’cause she’s cute as hell.
Axolotl
"I am a sign that the devil is real and Jesus never happened. Hooray!"
Angler Fish
Angora Rabbit
Blobfish
He does indeed look like Ziggy.
Candiiru
Okay, so the Candiru may not be the freakiest-LOOKING animal, but it is the only one that will swim up your penis and LODGE ITSELF IN THERE. Seriously, seriously, seriously: Fuck you, Candiru. Fuck you so, so hard, you piece-of-shit animal.
Wrinkle-Faced Bat
Giant Soft-Shelled Turtle
Dugong
Dumbo Octopus
Monkfish
Elephant Shrew
Geoduck
Giant Coconut Crab
Glass Frog
Hooded Seal
Liger
Note the size of this motherfucker; ligers are bigger than both tigers and lions.
These dudes escaped from the Phantom Zone and the first thing they want are our ligers!!
Long-Beaked Echidna
To himself, everything is perfectly normal.
Long-Eared Jerboa
Naked Mole Rat
Narwhal
Olm
Malay Eagle Owl
Pangolin
Pink Fairy Armadillo
Platypus
Rosy Lipped Batfish
Yeti Crab
Tubifex Worms
Saiga Antelope
"If you let me impregnate your wife I will bless you with riches unimagined!"
Star-Nosed Mole
Sucker-Foot Bat
"Hey, guys, what’s up? How’s it goin’? Deal my shit in."
Turtle Frog
Weta
Thanks to everyone who sent me these weird fucking dudes on Twitter.
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© 2009, James Gunn. All rights reserved.
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
What? Nobody picked the Pink Galapagos Iguana?
Also, Hagfish are cool if you are into mucus.
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Proboscis monkey kind of looks like actor Jimmy Durante.
http://bit.ly/lVy7N
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:41 am
I saw Ligers at King Richards fair. They are huge and fucking scary awesome. They were not on a leash or chain or anything. The handler were cool as hell, during the show they said it would have no problem eating the children that were there, and do not take pictures or make any big movements or mess with it in any way.
They are giant monsters, but are somewhat helpless and are only in captivity, as they cannot survive in the wild.
On a side note, why didn’t Rooker make this list?
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:46 am
Strangely, this is the biggest blog (most hits) ever on either JamesGunn.com or on MySpace.
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:11 pm
The narwhal is the unicorn of the sea!
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:12 pm
The blobfish reminds me of the illustrations by Shel Silverstein…I wonder if he received his inspiration from that…animal.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Intelligent Design? Not so much.
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
[...] are all allegedly real… More at Evolution Fucked Up Your Shit Comments [...]
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Fuck.
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am
that eagle owl thing is fucking ridiculous. It looks like an animatronic magwai.