Sep 26, 2007
The Creepiest Things You’ll Ever See
ALIEN. ROSEMARY’S BABY. INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. THE THING. We’ve had a few great horror films over the past fifty years, but not a one of them is scary as this shit. These are all "professionally" retouched photos of little girls by real companies on the web.
"Martha."
"Yes, Bob."
"I thought we’d send out a picture of our little Mindy with this year’s Christmas cards."
"Well, that’s a great idea, Bob, theoretically, but – don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Mindy – and she’s adorable – I mean, TO ME – but, her face is rather, it’s, well…"
"Fucked up?"
"Exactly, Bob. Her snaggly teeth, the bags under her eyes. What will people think of me?"
"Well, I believe I have a way to take care of that – "
"Isn’t four a little young for a face-lift, Bob?"
"Not that, dear. I know a guy. He does photo retouching. Doesn’t cost that much. We can turn Mindy into the little girl we always wanted!"
"Fantastic, Bob! And while you’re at it, could you make her face look like a sheet of flat fucking plastic with a couple of taxidermist’s glass eyeballs?"
"Martha!? "
"Yes?"
"What you just said — I’m coming!"
"Abby is ADORABLE. But you know what would make her more adorable? If she was Nathan Lane at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night."
"I am so sick of Victoria’s droopy right eye I can’t even tell you. Mr. Retoucher, honestly, I need you to follow us around and retouch her fucking eye wherever we fucking go, ’cause I just can’t deal with this shit anymore. I’m going to do something crazy, like cut a bitch up, and it will be your fucking fault for not retouching her while she’s all up in my grill wanting a kiss from Daddy and shit, droop, droop, droop, droopin’."
I don’t get it. They put a hat on her? Other than that she looks exactly the same.
If this thing on the right came out of my wife’s womb I’d have to smash it with a stick.
All right, admittedly, you’re gonna lose either way with this one.
"Everything about Beatrice is perfect. Except her fucking head. Let’s give her one that’s more – I don’t know – whore-like."
-
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October 23rd, 2009 at 5:35 am
[...] Creepy Retouched Baby Pageant Photos – that’s the scariest thing I’ve ever seen [...]
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:22 am
[...] Just to warm you up for Halloween. [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
[...] Retouched pageant photos are creeeeeeeeepy. [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:45 pm
[...] 22/10/2009 I know the world is fucked up but do we really need to allow this sort of thing? [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:08 pm
[...] white trash fucked up parents. Creeeeeeeeeeep. The Creepiest Things You?ll Ever See | JamesGunn.com – Official Website for James Gunn __________________ Do I look like a reasonable man or a peppermint nightmare? Portfolio [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:48 pm
[...] http://www.jamesgunn.com/2007/09/26/retouched-pageant-photos/ a few seconds ago from Gwibber [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
[...] Excessively retouched beauty pageant photos of kids. It’s so wrong I’m not even sure it’s actually funny [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Creepy freaking barbie looking kids. That shit is just wrong.
April 30th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Oh god, I remember this website. Some people do NOT know when to put down the Photoshop! :( How does ANYONE think that’s good?
April 30th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Creepy definitely describes it! And what’s with the look of added make-up, especially around their eyes?! Poor kids, sick people… but, funny blog!!